subreddit
string | title
string | text
string | created_utc
string | id
string | alexithymia
int64 | adhd_risk
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Alexithymia
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What does it feel like to you?
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I am 99% sure I have alexithymia, but I was wondering how you feel. I just feel like nothing and like a robot going through life. If I do experience any emotions, it is like there is a disconnect between me and my emotions. I feel as if I just seep my emotions under a rug and but never actually feel them.
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2024-09-03T02:52:47
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1f7pfsv
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Alexithymia
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Has anyone felt this way before? What is alexithymia?
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My significant other and I are taking the next big step in our relationship by moving in together, and we couldn’t be more excited. There’s no one else I’d rather go through this experience with. It feels like everyone around us has already moved forward in their own lives, settled into their routines, and passed the initial excitement of these milestones. Sharing our joy with friends and family doesn’t seem to spark the same level of enthusiasm, and people just seem caught up in their own worlds.
Our search for the perfect place has taken far longer than we expected, and while we think we’ve finally found “the one,” it feels like those around us aren’t sharing in our excitement the way we’d hoped. If I knew someone in my life going through something like this, I think I’d feel more excitement for them.
On top of that, I’ve been feeling a mix of emotional overwhelm and frustration. It’s been hard to put into words just how exhausting and stressful this process has been—dealing with dishonest landlords, the overwhelming amount of paperwork requested before even seeing a place, and the general chaos of finding a home. Whenever I try to express these frustrations, I feel like I’m being cut off or like I’m talking too much, and the responses I get don’t match the support I was hoping for. It’s made me feel like no one truly understands what I’m going through, except for my significant other. I truly couldn’t be more grateful for their support, because honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without them. We keep each other patient, grounded and supported throughout this process and there’s nobody I’d rather be doing this with. While their understanding is everything, I don’t feel like anybody outside of the two of us fully understands - and I think that’s okay, but it’s a weird realization I’m having.
It’s strange—being vocal is usually how I connect with people, but lately, it feels like I’m being met with indifference or preoccupation in a lot of my conversations with other people. Is this what turning 30 is like? The sense of feeling stuck, like no matter how much I try to communicate, words just aren’t enough, and the gap between my emotions and others’ understanding keeps widening. It’s left me questioning whether anyone can truly relate to what I’m going through, and that disconnect has made me more hesitant to even open up in the first place. I’ve been struggling to even talk to my family like I usually would, very casually about anything. I’ve realized I’m not fully being myself around them and it’s like I just don’t have the energy right now? This has made it harder to connect with the people around me, and recognizing this has been overwhelming—it’s just a lot to process and I know it’s temporary but it’s not like me.
I’ve heard this feeling described as alexithymia? If this resonates with you or if you have any suggestions, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Please be kind, as sharing this has taken a lot for me. I’m hoping to start an open discussion with others who may be experiencing similar emotions. Thank you.
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2024-09-03T07:27:33
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1f7txxp
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Alexithymia
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Is 'Alexithymia' something you can 'overcome' or do you just have to work around it?
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Sorry for my ignorance,
I'm pretty new to this topic, but I have done a fair amount of research into the topic,
Basically, I'm trying to figure out if it's possible to *"work though'* Alexithymia', so I can experience feelings the same way others do.
----
**where I'm at:**
When looking up 'how to treat/manage Alexithymia' I often just see therapy as a suggestion.
And over the last few months through therapy, I've been working on building various tools to identify, label and communicate emotions. (as well as reading them in others)
And currently it's still a “process” for me, I have to use references, measurements, and other criteria to figure out how I'm feeling, and that dictates the process I use to plan my response.
And even with mindfulness practice, I can look for more psychical signs of various emotions, and that's often a faster way to measure select emotions while they're still building,
But both are very much a manual process, and I don't yet belive I can 'feel' emotions in the same way others do.
And often the level of processes that are required for me to levy the appropriate response often drains any emotion I'd apply to the words I'd sue to convey them, so if i want to sound 'genuine' often more manual work is required...
---
**What I'm worried about:**
I don't have a formal diagnosis for autism, but it's something my psychiatrist has identified.
And I'm worried about what my trouble with feeling could mean for my capacity to build deeper connections.
Currently, I have a lot of trouble with even fairly casual friendships, despite a ton of work trying to work to build compatibility,
but now I kinda worry about finally building a connection with someone, and making them feel unheard/cared about/loved, because I can't really 'feel what they feel', and that we process emotions and emotional content in a wildly different way.
(as based on my history there always seems to be some form of 'blockage')
I've been trying to build new deep connections or deepen existing ones, I have been making literally zero progress.
(Therapist thinks I just need 'more people' to intract with, but it's not really an option currectly, long story)
---
**Edit:** *Thank you all for the comments/replies,* I think I'm getting a better view of my options, and how things could play out.
I'll try to read through all of them, even if I'm not able to reply back to each one. Thanks Again!
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2024-09-01T18:30:11
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1f6lepv
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Alexithymia
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What descriptive words do you guys have in your arsenal for when you're asked how you're feeling?
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I really only have two. I have "bad" and "fine". They are pretty much all I have and it is really irritating because all of my coworkers ask how I am every day (just in passing in a friendly way) and some of them have started to point out the fact that I always say "fine" and made some little jokes about how I just don't want to talk to them. I tried adding a little spice to my answers and gave a "fine since I just finished X project" or something like that but this has also now been noticed and pointed out. So how do you guys describe how you are doing if asked?
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2024-08-31T15:51:04
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1f5qf93
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Alexithymia
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What emotion is this?
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There is an emotion that I feel sometimes, I have no idea what it is, but it’s awful I hate it. It usually comes up when I’m trying to make myself do something I don’t really want to do but I know I should do. Literally things as small as drink water or meditate for 10 minutes. It’s not every time (I’m a mom, I’m doing stuff I don’t want to do all day long lol) and it also feels like there’s no way I could even physically get it out of my body, like it’s too big. In fact it’s pretty infrequent but when it does come up it’s really unsettling.
It feels empty in my stomach. Like, gnawingly empty.
I feel tense in my arms and my chest, like I want to fight something. I want to fight something so badly that the fact I’m not physically tearing something apart in that moment feels almost painful. But I also feel physically stuck and like I can’t even act on those urges (which I guess is good.)
It feels almost desperately uncomfortable.
It’s annoying that there is an emotion I can so clearly feel the physical sensations for (usually that’s not the case) but I have no idea what it is. It feels very intense and is 100% of the time out of proportion to whatever set it off, which is usually a very mundane situation.
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2024-08-31T12:42:40
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1f5mdrr
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Alexithymia
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Something that helped me
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Something that helped me to tackle social situation and interactions and how you can overcome introversion to some extent in situations when needed.
I started spending sometime in reading about problem solving methods, critical thinking, global awareness etc and those gaps started to fill as eventually what I lacked was information to fill the empty slate where my emotions should be and what my DNA is interested into.
It worked for me maybe there is something similar for you too.
It's hard to explain and I was not going to write about this, which even I can't understand and explain completely. but maybe this digital footprint helps someone in someway I will be glad
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2024-08-29T23:03:44
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1f4g8v4
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Alexithymia
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updete on progress and new barriers (from a person who never learned how to feel)
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\*update (edit)
Hi and hello here, I was here previously from a diffrent account here.
it's been I think 2 years since beginning of my healing journy do let me summarize it a little quick
Some context: I've had alexythimia from the very young age and never really undersood I have feelings... (and never learned to feel them) so basically I lost them propably at 5 and lived like this to 17-18
and my healing journy as going very good... actually too good. first time experiencing emotions was terrifying but tbh worth it (after some time i've got used to those weird sensations and that make them bearable). Shit like first time being happy and actually value something, enjoy food, enjoy any activities, quality time with people i like (shit i actually like somebody)
but at some point things got complicated, some events happend in my life and now my brain does not let me feel most of the time and when I try I just dissociate
I mean I do feel shit sometimes but the momment I try to concentrate on the feeling it dissappears. It's slowely getting better though, cause feeling something happens more nowadays (i thing at least) but it doesn't change a fact I'm fucking unable to feel anything being tired. just tired. I'm aware my body is stressed but I don't feel it.
wanna say 'scared' but it's complicated.. feeling uneasy because I suspect im falling into the void of depression :') (I think I'm scared a little bit)
like I hate state of restlessness. When my sceleton does not fit into the skin but I cannot realese any emotions. I's uncomfortable. and uncomfortable is the worst thing to feel
anyway I have my therapist now but a few months is too little
thanks for reading and if anyone have questions I will try to answer the best i can
and lastly: crying is a blessing NOT cringe, remember folks and cry when you can take care
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2024-08-25T01:13:47
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1f0kqf1
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Alexithymia
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How Do You Manage Hobbies When You Struggle to Feel Connected to Them?
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I've been struggling with hobbies and I wanted to know if anyone else here experiences something similar. I've noticed that I tend to forget about recreational activities I actully like in two main ways:
1. **Forgetting the Activity itself:** I often forget that certain activities I could enjoy even exist. For example, I'll completely forget that there's a series I was interested in. It's like the idea of doing them just disappears from my mind.
2. **Forgetting the Feeling:** Even when I rationally know that I like doing something, e.g. playing table tennis or practicing guitar, I can't seem to remember what it's like to actually enjoy it and thus don't feel motivated to do it. Instead I have to rationally persuade myself.
It also affects my social life - I can't remember what it feels like to enjoy spending time with friends. Because of this, I often end up doing nothing at all, just jumping around from one thought to another (and feeling bad but not knowing what to do instead).
Does anyone else deal with this? How ?
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2024-08-23T23:14:47
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1ezqsii
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Alexithymia
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Do you cry when attempting to talk about emotions?
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When ever I try to explain my emotions or stuff that's happened to me in the past I get super choked up and I end up sobbing and it's embarrassing.
Other times I talk bout things I didn't think bothered me then I start crying or I watch a that's supposed to be only kinda sad video and suddenly get and cry and get confused as to why I'm so upset.
Does this happen to any of you?
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2024-08-21T22:05:14
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1ey2gdg
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Alexithymia
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I want to feel (15M)
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Today, I was tired. Still am, 3:11 P.M. I hadn't slept last night until 3 A.M. Late like usual. I come home. My mom gets mad at me, screaming/yelling (which is what she does when she gets mad, never gets physical) at me because I am tired and irritated. I start crying. Try to explain to her that I can't sleep. Doesn't believe me.
I let it go. I keep crying.
Whenever I cry, I only tear up. On average, 1-3 tears. Crying is rare for me.
I feel nothing. Almost. Like my emotions are so far away, they're calling out to me and I can barely hear them.
My bottle finally broke. Wherever I stored emotions, it all just let out. But I didn't know what those emotions were from. I don't think I had a place where they originated from. They just came out.
Cried so much. And I hated it. But I loved every second of it. I'm jealous of those who can feel permanently. Who can feel everything, the emotions to their full power.
I loved it because I could finally feel again. I felt. I didn't want it to stop, but it did. Now I sit here in silence, a few words per hour, writing this.
How do you deal with alexithymia, the right way? How do you feel again, permanently?
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2024-08-21T20:31:27
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1ey06ds
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Alexithymia
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Could this be “affective” alexithymia or something else?
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So basically to put it short I haven’t consult felt deep emotions in years since I was 14(?). I’ve felt shallow amounts of anxiety, stress etc but other mentions seem dampened, fleeting or more often than not absent completely. I don’t feel excited and I struggle with empathy though I can’t tell if it’s cognitive or emotional that the issue lies.
Whether I listen, watch or slave bad things happen to me or others I feel sort of neutral about it, not that I don’t care as ish but I don’t have the “feeling” that I used to have when younger. People say I look like I mfeelinf the mention but I can’t tell, sometimes I’m faking it and other times I’m not but I’ll still be told this.
I’ve had bouts of other thinking and anxiety on whether I was a narcissist or a sociopath and no matter what evidence gets brought to me I still have those thoughts coming back.
My emotionality seems to increase slightly when I take my ADHD medication but as soon as that goes I go back to being anxious and bored all the time.
I feel like I should add in more but my minds gone blank anyhow I’m unsure if I have alexithymia or not and I guess I’m putting it’s out there because I want reassurance if I’m being guest not a detailed diagnosis. I’m also hoping for questions as I’m better at explaining things that way
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2024-08-21T19:28:56
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1exymzv
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Alexithymia
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Partner asked me to describe emotions
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This sucks. My partner is a fantastic writer and they want to write a character as basically me. The problem is she's asking me how I feel certain emotions and Im like "I have alexythmia!!!! I can't!!". It's hard because I do have a lot of meaning and feelings in my life but sometimes I'm just empty and other times I don't know what the feeling is or how to describe it. It's becoming a serious problem for me because I feel an intense desire to explain my incontinent emotions to this person that I love, especially after being overly honest with them about the fact that I know I love them all of the time but only feel it sone of the time because sometimes my brain just says that I don't get to feel anything! Do y'all have any good ideas or ways to explain alexythmia and that spontaneous appearance and disappearance of emotions that shall go un-named?
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2024-08-20T03:42:53
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1ewlv9o
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Alexithymia
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Anyone here found their internal motivation?
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Hey there! It’s been about 2 years since I first heard alexithymia mentioned to describe my issues. Recently I’ve read about it once again and finally something clicked.
In-between jobs I’ve been struggling quite a bit with motivation as no external stimuli, no deadlines or expectations were forcing me to do things. And this seems to fit perfectly with the “external motivation” aspect of alexithymia, meaning that we only strive for something when there is something or someone from outside stimulating us to do so.
I’m personally sick and tired of this. I feel like I have pinpointed what I want to do in life but the internal “want” is too weak to force me to even lift a finger. But I also cannot rely on external factors forever cause they come and go and in the meantime I burn out.
So I wanted to inquire about y’all’s experience. Did you maybe manage to get in touch with yourself and find your one true calling? And for those of you who might have already learnt to ride on your internal engines, do you guys might sharing how you got there?
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2024-08-19T11:19:59
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1evz7h1
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Alexithymia
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Alexithymia and sensory sensitivity
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I'm pretty sure I have alexithymia and I've wondered for years if I am autistic but every online test I take says I'm borderline (although I find the questions really difficult so that could be a factor) and I don't think I have any sensory sensitivities. This makes me doubt that I am autistic and is holding me back from seeking an actual diagnosis. I was wondering if it's possible that I do have certain sensitivities but that alexithymia means that I don't realise. There have been times where I suddenly get overwhelmed and breakdown in specific situations and then stay close to crying for hours after, I'm not sure if this might be related.
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2024-08-19T10:18:52
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1evy7z7
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Alexithymia
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Not sure if I have Alexithymia, but it sounds familiar
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Reading some posts, I(18M) relate to them in ways I have never really found before, but with some differences. Because of that, I wanted to try and write out some of my things and ask your guys' non-expert but experienced help.
I know I have trouble helping/reacting appropriately when people have negative emotions around me, such as crying. I don't know what to do and there's not quite a feeling that guides me to do anything natural either. I just think to myself "I should do something" over and over but I don't figure it out and the moment passes. This has happened several times that I can remember.
People describe me as reserved. I don't get angry, I don't get super excited.
On the topic of love, it gets complicated. This is an awful thing to say but I don't know if I love my family. My mom I am comfortable saying I don't because she is a bad person and I resent her for leaving us when we were kids. However, my sister, my brother, and even my dead father, I'm not sure if I can say for sure I love(d) them. I don't have ill-will towards them and I want them to do well. I cried when my dad died, but now the only sadness I feel when I think about that is selfish, like I was actually genuinely happy sometimes when he was alive, so I miss that time. Since then, though I was young and can't quite remember very well, especially any emotions, there has only been one person I can say 100% that I love. This exception is what confuses me, and it warrants a new section.
When I was young I met this girl and we became friends. After a while we admitted to eachother we had crushes on eachother and "dated" for a while, though we were so young it wasn't actually dating, more like just really good friends. I did lover her at that time. An important note, however, is that this emotion, I realized this connection when reading another post here, is always associated with a physical reaction I get when I feel love towards her, a shiver. Anyways, we were friends for a long time, but it went through cycles where we would talk every day for a month and then for months she would seem uninterested and sometimes ignore me. Anyways, since we graduated high-school, she seems not to want to be friends anymore. This is bad for me because she is the only person that I can remember who causes me to have identifiable emotions. I feel actually happy when I'm with her, and actually sad when I'm not. I feel genuinely proud of her when she does well and genuinely want to hear anything she has to say, all things which I haven't felt anywhere else.
This tears me apart, and this feeling of sadness is the strongest identifiable emotion I have ever felt. It seems to me that the emotions I can identify the most within myself, but to a limited degree, are the despair-type ones. These are hard to particularly describe though, I just know I feel awful.
I don't feel emotions until they become physucal symptoms most of the time. For stress I get stomach aches and numbing in my hands or feet, sadness or fear it feels like someone is squeezing my heart, when I feel uncomfortable I am squirming and it feels like my chest cavity caves in, etc.
I find it difficult to identify romantic versus platonic feelings. My love that I feel for that girl is confusing to me because I am unsure if it is platonic, romantic, or a mixture of both. I also think that the lack if an identification on that feeling has hurt our relationship because I don't know what "path" I want to take with her.
I can't express emotions or how I feel in a way that makes sense, made worse by the fact I jumble words all the time. This means that I find it hard to connect with people because I can't empathize or share my own experience. All I can do is sit there and say, "OK. OK. Hm. Ok." This isn't good for the other person or me, and so this holds me back from making actual connections.
I know I want to be with other people more than anything but it is so difficult for me that it exhausts me. Sometimes I just give up.
If this describes alexithymia, let me know. If not, also let me know. I want to try and find whats wrong with me so I can have relationships with people.
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2024-08-19T02:15:00
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1evqlxh
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Alexithymia
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Is this alexithymia?
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M(25)It's not that I don't know what I'm feeling, like perhaps most people here experience. It's just that I feel like I never have them, or rather, never experienced them on a level that a normal person usually does. My emotions never reach an intense state and only last for a very short amount of time. I had to put in a lot of effort just to make them last or feel intense, just so I could escape this painfully logical and mundane state that I experience every day.
I also don't miss people at all and would never hesitate to cut off anyone, no matter how close they are to me. I don't even feel like I ever loved my parents, any of my siblings, or any of my relatives at all. They just all feel like a bunch of strangers that I happen to be living with.
At this point, I still don't have any idea what love really feels like. But I have always been craving connection, that's for sure. And also, I don't know how to live in my own head. My mind has always been so focused on my surroundings that I have become too dependent on people's emotions just to feel happy or comfortable.
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2024-08-15T21:55:09
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1et7p5d
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Alexithymia
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I don’t understand how people act based on emotions
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For the longest time I (24M) thought I understood emotions and people’s actions even if I knew I didn’t fully experience them myself. But as I get older and have learned more I realized I have no clue how “normal” people operate with their emotions. I’m primarily a logical thinker, I act based on principles and convictions I’ve built over time and I do what makes sense after analyzing a situation. But the more I try and think of how most the rest of the world functions I become more baffled. How does one’s feelings or the voice in their head or whatever lead them to act in ways which are illogical. An easy example is something like sexism, racism, or things like them. They don’t make sense to me. When I look at the facts before me it makes no sense therefore it’s irrational and stupid to me. So then what happens in a person’s mind and body that leads them to embrace these and believe in them.
This is true for all things including the smaller things we engage with in life like relationships, dating, work, and school, and such. Why does my friend keep pursuing men who aren’t good for her or why does my other friend feel burdened by family guilt and let it control her choices? What happens in a person’s head or body that leads them to not only make but believe in things which are irrational?
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2024-08-13T17:33:58
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1erdzao
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Alexithymia
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Can you have Alexithymia but also be sensitive?
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After learning about the condition from my therapist and researching it, I believe my husband has Alexithymia. He has a lot of trouble expressing and verbalizing his feelings, aside from anger which seems to come easily to him and tends to be his default emotion. He's supremely logical – almost too much so – and rigid in his thinking, which as an empath, is highly frustrating for me. Though I know he loves me and he tells me so (though sometimes I have to ask for it), I have always felt like he's not expressing himself fully. Whenever I bring it up and express that I feel disconnected and like he's holding back from me, he seems confused. He either gets frustrated because it's the millionth time we've had the conversation and he still doesn't understand it, or he gets sad (he doesn't say it, I can just see it and sense it). I know he's actually a very sensitive person deep down, and I've come to see that he just can't seem to access the feelings. My question then is whether or not he actually has Alexithymia. I'm asking earnestly and respectfully: Can someone with Alexithymia also be sensitive?
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2024-08-13T17:14:45
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1erdhzs
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Alexithymia
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Writer
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I've been writing a book which I'm a little more than halfway through, and I think one of the hardest things that I've had to put extra energy and thought into is describing emotions and feelings. I've put chapters of my book into an AI to critique it and that's one of the main things it's telling me to edit. That I need to describe those emotions rather than just telling it I don't even know how to describe my own emotions. Let alone fictional characters that only exist in my head and in my book. And that head of mine also has aphantasia so I don't see anything either as far as a visual imagination. Is there anyone here that can relate?
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2024-08-13T03:53:15
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1eqybrj
| 0
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Alexithymia
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Is there another way you're recognizing emotions, other than "feeling?"
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I just realized that sometimes my emotions have colors... My partner said that's a trait of synesthesia? Does anyone else have that? Also: I still don't know *what* the emotion is. But it's there. And it has a color 😂🫠
So I was actually wondering if anyone else has found a way to identify their emotions based on a different indicator. I'm thinking if I pay more attention that maybe I can recognize a pattern and help myself start learning... myself better?
Edit: thank you so much for your answers. I'm finding that I apparently also do many of these things and just have not been associating them to me trying to identify parts of myself. Your answers have really handed me some new lenses to look through and I'm so grateful. Thank you again.
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2024-08-12T04:05:24
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1eq493e
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| 1
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Alexithymia
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Love
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„Love“ has always been weird for me.
I’ve always been longing for some unconditional love - for my soulmate to love me and for me to love them. I wanted to fall in love so badly in my childhood that I did it every time someone was even remotely nice to me.
But it wasn’t love, I think.
There was this one girl who was my „first love“, basically. I was into her for two years. Then I confessed, she told me she didn’t return the feelings. I was over it.
I’m sure I was in love with her because I always wanted to hold her hands and because I was sad and not relieved when I was finally alone after spending time with her, even though it was so fucking exhausting. I had one other friend at the time who I didn’t react to the same way.
I was always sure I love my parents. I still am, somehow. But I have no idea what that feels like. I tell them I love them, I say it about my cat, but… I don’t know. When they’re gone, I don’t really miss them. My heart doesn’t hurt, I’m not crying (though once in a hospital I noticed I missed my mum because I cried after she had to leave again when she visited me).
I don’t know if I’ve ever loved anything or anyone - or if I’ve always just been selfishly using people. Do I love my mother or do I just not want to be alone? Do I love my cat or am I just possessive and like cuddling?
Why wasn’t my heart broken, when a girl I spent two years being in love with rejected me?
Has anyone here ever experienced real love?
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2024-08-11T19:22:26
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1ept2de
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Alexithymia
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Question: Do you feel present in everyday life?
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I have recently come across Alexithymia. I am gonna talk to my therapist tomorrow about it but in the meantime I was wondering if anyone else feels like they are not present in everyday life?
I feel like I am completely disconnected from the things that happen around me. Like I am just watching things through a window pane or something. My explanation is that because I don’t feel connected on an emotional level to the world around me I feel this kind of way.
Is this common in people with alexithymia? I would love any kind of input on that matter.
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2024-08-11T10:08:20
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1ephdgs
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Alexithymia
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Alexithymia and boundaries
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I just want to ask if this is common for people also with alexithymia. I often find since I cannot identify emotions, I don’t know when I’m upset. Since I’m not emotionally in touch, I’ve been told I’m cold at times so I often think if I lay down a boundary it makes me come off as cold or apathetic.
Which means when I actually can recognize myself as upset(rare as is), I can’t bring myself to. Especially since I tend to like approach things objectively/more logic based than emotionally. So I don’t know if I’m doing so, by putting down boundaries, I’m being apathetic/cold. As such I’ve been told I’m actually being too nice to people I should have cut off or set boundaries with. So it made me think.
Is this an issue others have?
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2024-08-10T19:07:47
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1ep0sf8
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Alexithymia
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My partner may have undiagnosed alexithymia and would like some advice.
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I (28F) have been seeing my partner (21M) for the past 7 months and after a lot of research, I am lead to believe he may have alexithymia.
He and I are currently on a 1 month break to think about what we want because we got into a difficult conversation on my birthday. Over the course of our relationship I have experienced, what I interacted with as quirks, but may have been legitimate signs for something more serious. He will experience a bit of a shut down whenever he and I have a conversation that is around topics like how he feels about me.
When he and I have these talks, it often goes in this pattern:
“How do you feel about me?”
“I like spending time with you. I like how our conversations aren’t boring. I like that you’re so thoughtful, kind, and understanding. I think you’re pretty.”
“Do you like me?”
“I don’t know… think I like you…”
He has also said things like, “I don’t like talking about this because whenever I question my feelings, I start to doubt and feel the opposite.”
When I asked him how he felt after I told him I loved him for the first time 2 months ago he said it made him really happy and he tightly gripped my hands. When I asked him how he felt about it last week on my birthday, he said he didn’t feel much. I don’t know what to believe, because after admitting that I could sense the amount of guilt he had admitting that.
From there we got into the topic of his experience of his emotions, and he concluded that he doesn’t know if he will ever experience love. When he initially he told me he did not understand what love is and never experienced it before, I took in the context of, “Oh he is young. No one genuinely understands what love is in our 20’s.” To now realize that he means that in the context that he feels broken… It’s a lot to swallow.
I have given him time to think about whether he wants to be in a relationship with me at the beginning. I told him what I was looking for and if he wouldn’t be able to give me that unfortunately I will have to leave. He grabbed me tighter and said he wants the same things.
Part of me wants to hold out for hope in some way. I love him so dearly, and I held him as he was hurting coming to this realization. I would like to still be with him in some way, but I am afraid of being hurt like this again. I don’t know if I lived a version of our relationship that was a lie, or if my feelings aren’t entirely one-sided.
I would like some assistance in how to view this situation. I have considered shortening the break to work through things together, but I don’t want to overwhelm him. I don’t want to be that person that goes against their word.
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2024-08-07T18:35:35
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1emjlr9
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Alexithymia
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Hard to Analyze Poetry?
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Hey, I used to be Alexithymic. I also used to have a very unusually difficult time in 12th grade English when we were studying poetry. Recently I am thinking these might be related.
So I recall a lot of the analysis we did involved identifying some "effect" like an emotion/tone/atmosphere etc. And then identify how certain choices created that effect. My problem was that I could not identify the effects. It was very frustrating. I would read a poem and get very little from it, while my classmates would seem to magically just feel "sorrow" or "longing" or whatever else. I can't remember anything specific, I know we read Some Dunn, some Dickenson. I don't remember any other names.
So back then I didn't know about alexithymia, but now that I do I kinda wonder if this is a common alexithymia experience. This is really something in need of explanation in my case because I was generally fine with English. it was my 2nd IB English class, and I did fine in the first one, but the first one was just Literature. We read novels (Ok, \*I\* read online chapter summaries) and wrote a lot of essays that I always did very well on. But then we get to poetry and I just fall completely behind.
I don't know if it's related but I also had a unique issue where I just couldn't seem to perceive metre. When we had to identify the metric structure of verses, I just couldn't hear it. It's easier for me now, but especially back then it just seemed 100% subjective to me. People would try to tell me, oh just think about what emphasis seems natural for a line, and I just felt like there was rarely ever a more natural emphasis pattern for a verse. I wonder if that's related to the fact that I used to speak in a very monotone voice.
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2024-08-06T15:41:24
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1ell208
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Alexithymia
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I want to point something out here.
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Alexthymia is not having no emotions.
It's blindness to your own emotions. I had emotions. I just could see them. I did stupid, silly terrible things for no reason I could name.
The reason was I was having emotions when I wasn't AWARE of it and these unacknowledged emotions drove me in random directions.
Even today, I have to sit with myself and ask myself what I am really feeling. I am better at this now.
But I can never say I didn't feel anything. I'd find myself in the middle of doing random, stupid things and if you asked why, if I were honest, I'd say I didn't know.
I did take lithium briefly, here about 15 years ago. I really enjoyed the effect it gave me. It reduced the excessive lows and highs.
But when I was a kid, I was really out of control, my OWN control, because emotions I couldn't see were driving me around.
It sucked ASS.
Alexthymia isn't the same as "Reduced affect" I don't think. Is it?
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2024-08-06T07:27:54
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1elbkmj
| 0
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Alexithymia
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Not sure if therapist is understanding me, not sure if I’m wrong and not understanding him.
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I’m not sure if I have alexithymia, but a lot of what I read hear has made me feel understood. I’ve always struggled with feeling emotions. One of the earliest times was being 11 and getting a gift and saying “wow i know I should be excited but I don’t feel excited! Thank you” in a very excited tone. They weren’t happy. I was just present processing.
13 years later I still struggle with this lack of emotion. I suffered a lot from my parents (mostly mother, lots of medical and mental issues) as a child into my teens and still as an adult but not as much. I started therapy about 2 years ago. Been on meds for almost a year. The Psych says I probably have ptsd if I remember correctly and maybe bi polar. On Wellbutrin.
What is it that I’m having difficult with my therapist? Every session he asks me how I feel at the start. %85 percent of the time I say “existing”. I used to say nothing, but he didn’t get I seriously felt nothing. So I explained it as “existing” not happy not sad or numb, just nothing going on. I feel like this A LOT. I bring up how it bothers me sometimes big could happen and I won’t be phased or feel a little this or that and he says I’m expecting too much emotion or will site instances where I did feel sometime so nothing is wrong. I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 and a 1/2 years. I love her still, i know I do because I’d do anything for her and I’m actually interested in her well being and things she does. Have I felt points of love and happiness with her? Yes. Has it mostly been a blank slate emotionally? Yes. I’ve always struggled in relationships cause I never know what I’m feeling or want. I cried when we broke up, i didn’t always feel emotions when I cried but sometimes I felt Saddness, anger and frustration here and there. I would be crying talking to her and feeling nothing. I wanted to throw up from my chest throw up emotions FEEL SOMETIMES but no I just keep emotionally dry heaving.
As for other times I feel happy here and there. Anxious, depressed pride excitement here and there. Most of my thought patterns are logic and thought based, not really emotional. It takes a lot to trigger emotion in me. I’m just getting tired of it. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and not understanding the point to carrying on because it fucks with my head so much and I just don’t get it. I don’t have my girlfriend that I love anymore because while the relationship was stressful, I just struggle when I’m dating someone and can’t feel anything for them. But i know I do love her, logically speaking and that a feeling of love comes up although it kinda just feels the same as happy or excited. A lot of emotions are just physically reactions and burning feelings in my tummy. It’s just been getting worse.
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2024-08-05T19:49:21
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1ekx8yf
| 1
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Alexithymia
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what are some instances where you reacted emotionally/sympathetically? did it shock you?
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story one:
my mom had bought poussin from the shops which we’d never tried before and specially cooked it for us both (i also didn’t know what it was, so when i found out it was baby chicken i was a little bit shocked). 😅 she didn’t end up i liking it, and i wasn’t much of a fan either, but i tried to finish it for her of course. just seeing her apologise to me and chew on the food with a disappointed look on her face made me really really sad for her, and i felt really guilty for no reason. i’m tearing up thinking about it again which is so silly.
story two:
with my mother again, and i was like 5 years old. she was trying to shut my curtains as i settled into bed, but the curtain rod just fell off the wall and onto the floor. she was unhurt and it didn’t even touch her, but i started sobbing and said i felt “bad” for her.
these instances where i have such an extreme reaction are so rare that i distinctly remember where and how they happened, what about you?
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2024-08-05T16:28:59
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1eks7qc
| 0
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Alexithymia
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I doubt I have alexithymia but I wonder...
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Now I'm probably thinking you guys will agree that I don't experience it but I'm still interested in your thoughts.
I can understand why and when I am mad, happy, etc. without a problem. But when I saw the emotion wheel, I was interested because I don't really think about how people seperate those feelings in their head? For example, it is not "I am sad," but "I am grieving." I don't really get specific with my emotion labels. For example, my therapist asked me to describe my emotion about a complex situation and I responded "I felt negative." She then pressed further and said, "Well think of it like the emotion was an Inside Out character." I knew it could be any emotion, like, one that wasn't in the movie, but I chose Sadness even though I still felt like it didn't capture it.
I just feel more like I am floating in physical sensations when it comes to noticeable emotions though...I do think "I'm so happy!" "Ugh, I'm mad!"
So yeah I'm probably describing a typical experience of someone without alexithymia and wondering if I'm different from others, which I know is...uuhh...so yeah sorry.
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2024-08-03T18:43:45
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1ejaqi3
| 1
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Alexithymia
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Im diagnosed with autism and presumably have Alexithymia. Is this behaviour normal, and should I seek therapy?
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So the other day I was bored and decided to buy a net and go crab fishing from a pier. I didn't catch any crabs but I caught a prawn. I put him in a glass of water and watched him swim around in there. I wasn't going to kill him because people have told me not to kill animals, but I thought he's so small it doesn't really matter. I poured him out the glass and watched him drown, but it took too long so I stomped it with my boots and put it out of its misery. I caught another one 5 minutes later and put this one in the glass also. I decided to take another approach this time. I got my knife out, stuck it in the glass and struggled with him for a minute as he swam around to avoid the sharp edge of my blade. He was quite tough and it was hard to cut him, but after another 30 seconds and a bit of bleeding, I managed to cut his head off his body. After another 10 or so seconds, he stopped moving. I'm not sure if prawns feel pain, but I had fun and it made me feel powerful. Im sure many people in my life would think I'm crazy if they heard I did this, so I kept it a secret. What do you guys think, am I a bad person for this, or is this just a harmless experiment.
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2024-08-02T16:29:48
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1eiehwd
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Alexithymia
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any luck with meds?
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i’m having a pretty brutal major depressive episode and anxiety that is really impacting my life. i’m in therapy, but it doesn’t really do much for me so i’m considering trying out medication again. i’ve been on meds before but ive always struggled to understand if they’re working or not. i tend to think that they aren’t, but ive tried so many that i wonder if my alexithymia is getting in the way of my perception. i already have trouble understanding when im feeling something so it’s even more difficult for me to tell when im NOT feeling something. so like…even if the meds are working, if i cant perceive that they are and have no conscious experience of them working, then i think that they’re not. does anyone else experience this with meds/know specific meds that work for them? or have any alexithymic friendly tips for how to tell if meds are working? i also worry about meds worsening my alexithymia? there’s the old sterotype that psych meds make people more “zombified” and alexithymia already makes me feel more “zombified” than the average person.
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2024-07-30T11:35:20
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1efr2d2
| 1
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Alexithymia
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Testing the waters
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Hi everyone,
I'm an over 40 yo man that has recently discovered to have low empathy, which led to the realisation that I always had difficulties to identify, understand and express my own emotions and feelings (it has been more like my therapist pointing out certain things that started making sense when I look at them now).
We are just a few sessions in, and despite I think he didn't mention alexithymia specifically, he pretty much described it as part of how I process stuff internally. I later found online the term and, upon reading a bit about it, it seems like the description matches the explanations from my therapist almost word by word. He already gave me a few points to work on until our next session, and I'm hoping it helps, because it's being difficult for the people around me and my self.
In the meanwhile, I took a few tests online and I got a high score in the TAS-20, as well as low score in something called "Toronto Empathy Questionnaire" (which feels very similar to the other one, but scored differently).
I would like to be very cautious about this whole thing and try not to make any early assumptions. It is all very new for me but at the same time very enlightening, as if many things started to make a lot of sense out of the sudden. Sorry if I don't explain myself very clearly.
Anyways, this was meant to be some sort of introduction. I thought it would be right thing to do before commenting in someone else's posts. Hope you all have a nice day.
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2024-07-30T10:13:18
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1efpo5n
| 1
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Alexithymia
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How can you tell when you love someone?
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Asking all alexithymiacs personally. How do YOU know because I'm at the point where I'm so confused at what love even means. I feel like I give zero shits about people so I can't tell when I love someone
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2024-07-29T21:03:41
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1efau9u
| 1
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Alexithymia
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Is the inability/greatly reduced ability to feel touch, physical sensation, or pain also part of Alexithymia?
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It's been about a year or two since I've realized I have cognitive alexithymia; I have to interpret my emotions based on the reactions my body is displaying. However, it's only today that I'm questioning whether another thing I've experienced for as long as I can remember is also related. I can't really feel sensations; pain is incredibly muted (something that every nurse I've had stick a needle in me or shoot me with lasers comment on), touch is detectable basically only as pressure, and pleasure is all but non-existent. I've spent most of the time knowing that I have alexithymia thinking that this is somehow related, but now it's been called into question. Scrolling through symptoms and people's experiences isn't showing people having the same deadened sense of touch, so I don't know anymore.
If my lack of sense of touch isn't alexithymia, what could it be? I really wish I could put a name to my experience.
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2024-07-28T17:56:28
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1eedea4
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Alexithymia
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How do you experience emotion if you can’t feel it in your body?
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My partner exhibits extreme Alexithymia- or emotional blindness. I’ve long suspected there was some pretty serious psychological/emotional damage from childhood trauma (in addition to adhd) because he really struggles to name even remotely complex emotions but I didn’t realize the extent- the guy literally doesn’t “feel” his emotions. They are thoughts, rather than feelings. He doesn’t experience hunger etc either. As a highly sensitive and “feely” person- I’m struggling to understand how he can reciprocate love. Any thoughts or advice? He and I are very open when discussing these kinds of things but are both at a loss.
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2024-07-27T07:04:04
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1edabwx
| 1
| 1
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Alexithymia
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I decided to post this question on here as a result of another similar post I've seen on here, but more aimed at my exact experiences.
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So I have just figured out I am a transgender woman in the last few years. But my whole life I never understood anything I was doing. And I was always uncomfortable expressing emotions, and when others expressed emotions. I know I have both autism and alexithymia, and I am fairly confident I was born with alexithymia as a secondary trait of my autism.
First of all when it came to dysphoria as a child, unlike a lot of trans girls in childhood, I never manifested thoughts of wanting to be a girl, of feeling like a girl. I do feel like it felt more right hanging around girls and I felt like it was easier to talk to them. But as I wasn't understanding what was going on with myself I assumed I had to be a guy, and I hung out with the other guys despite only ever developing surface lever relationships with them. I felt dysphoria as strong attraction towards women. To what I thought was towards women anyway, I've started to realize what I was really attracted to was their features that I didn't have but felt like I should. So instead of pursuing things further I just "soothed" the dysphoria by pleasuring myself. A lot of the time I wasn't even naturally aroused by girls I just brought myself to arousal.
I also felt like I had to be stereotypically masc, and felt like I couldn't like things that girls liked.
Anyway I'm starting to feel like my now improving alexithymia was at the heart of a lot of my issues and inabilities to understand myself until now. Does this sound plausible?
If this is inappropriate for this sub by all means remove this post.
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2024-07-27T16:57:15
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1edkzf4
| 1
| 0
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Alexithymia
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What a great combination
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This subreddit had me realising my Alexithymia is mostly from my childhood, not my autism although it does play a part into it.
If I was shown empathy, understanding, or just was allowed to feel anything I wouldn't be as disregulated emotionally.
Its Hard for me to completely grasp that it was an outside influence. Not just me by myself being the way that I am. And I know that's my pride talking
I feel extremely uncomfortable when I feel something, I can't feel in love I just feel sick, can't eat or sleep. I don't feel angry, I just feel physical pain and tiredness.
Anything that goes out of my usual frey spectrum of emotions, coming from me or others makes me feel uncomfortable. I rather have shallow relationships. Whenever my friends put me into a situation where I should react to their emotions properly, or show any I feel in a corner. I avoid it like the plague.
Even though logically I should understand they know how I am, how I don't function like most, I can't conceive the fact someone likes me enough to be understanding.
I feel like it's too late to still trying and I am a failure of a human. I can't feel properly, react properly, trust at all, relate properly. And I do have a crave for connection. But I crave it just as much as I fear it.
I wish I could be a proper being without the needs of being accepted and loved. I try so much not to need any of the things my Alexithymia and trauma gets in the way. But im still human. I still need that biological and physiological need of reassurance and company. No matter how much I try to train myself not to need it.
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2024-07-26T22:32:16
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1ed0xck
| 1
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Emotional_Regulation
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I can't get angry! All I do is cry.
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I have a really hard time getting angry. I don't know how to express anger and I never was able to experience anger in a healthy way. When things happen to me I feel like all I can do is just cry. it affects my relationships because people don't want to talk to me about serious things because they're afraid that I'll cry and they don't want to deal with it. it's been hard over the years to even keep a job because the slightest thing will push me off the edge and I'll have to go to the bathroom and cry. I have C- PTSD and I've just recently discovered this and it was an Ah-ha moment. I've suffered from depression, anxiety and OCD for a long time because of the trauma that happened to me as a child. Everyday I work towards trying to heal. some days I feel like I'm taking steps forward and then other days I feel like I took 10 steps back. I wish I was able to not care. and I don't mean not care about anything, I mean not care about stupid words or opinions. but at the same time if I get so upset by something is it important to me. It's really starting to affect my romantic relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and there's been times that he says that all I do is cry. My depression is starting to push him away, he doesn't know what it feels like. I've been called immature, I've been told that I act like a child and maybe I do. I was never able to be one. I don't know, I just really wish that I could get a hold of my emotions. There's times where I cry so much that I'll be numb for a few days after. If anybody knows of any exercises that I could do to regulate my emotions it would be greatly appreciated. I really think that if I could have a better hold of my emotions that I would be able to heal more and deal with my trauma.
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2020-04-10T01:24:38
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fy56df
| 0
| 0
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Emotional_Regulation
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Sometimes I think about being emotionless, and it's scary...
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I get these thoughts like:
"Aren't emotions just a hinderence?"
"Isn't love just a selfish emotion?"
"Do emotions keep us from reaching our full potential?"
"Wouldn't it be better to feel absolutely nothing and live life in this zenlike emotionless autopilot state?"
It honestly scares me. Like...I don't *really* want to be emotionless. At least, I don't *think* I do.
Once you "lose" your emotions, wouldn't it be hard to "get them back?"
I've been researching meditation a lot, and there's emphasis on "losing the ego," "non-attachment," etc. Maybe I'm misunderstanding all of this, but it makes me wonder if having emotions and feeling love is some sort of bad thing that's holding me back.
Can someone maybe make things a little clearer for me?
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2019-12-16T03:48:38
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eb9pgt
| 1
| 0
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Emotional_Regulation
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Mindfulness
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Mindfulness is an extremely good way to practice emotional regulation. It's the process of allowing your thoughts to flow over while watching over them omnisciently. The longer you practice mindfulness the less attached to your thoughts you become and the more in control of your emotions you become. Monks practice this through meditation and anyone can practice this at any point in time to disconnect from reality and become more serene.
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2019-12-04T05:54:43
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e5ur4i
| 0
| 0
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Emotional_Regulation
|
The role of psychologists vs psychiatrists
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Psychologists fulfil a role in sorting out the root cause of mental health issues, while psychiatrists fulfil the role of maintaining homeostatic equilibrium through legal medications. Psychologists help process trauma and help with fleshing out what is causing the body to be out of homeostasis. Talk therapy is one of the most useful techniques to understand why mental health issues are affecting the body while medications put a band-aid on while talk therapy occurs. Both are useful in treating mental health issues and they work best in conjunction with each other.
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2019-12-03T01:39:51
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e59fw6
| 0
| 0
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Emotional_Regulation
|
Psychotic Breakdowns
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Psychotic breakdowns can happen to anyone, even those who don't suffer from schizophrenia. These occur when the consciousness can no longer handle the load which is being put upon it. The consciousness blocks out the overstimulation so that it can cope with existing but as soon as the consciousness accesses the minds database it overloads immediately. Psychosis can happen to anyone it is not weakness but it means that the consciousness is being severely overwhelmed by stimulation. Psychosis is short lasting and has an end, but schizophrenic patients usually have this illness for a lifetime. It is very possible one may experience one of these terrifying attacks once in their lifetime, but medical professionals are very capable of dealing with these symptoms, as they occur quite frequently to patients in the mental health system.
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2019-12-02T09:32:51
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e4wq4t
| 0
| 0
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Emotional_Regulation
|
The morally right thing to do vs what you think is right
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The morally right thing to do is often hard to distinguish with what one thinks is the right thing to do. Making the morally right decisions leads to self care even though it is often the most difficult of the two decisions to make. The more one makes morally right decisions the easier it is to distinguish between the two because sometimes one uses emotions to make drastic decisions but often the emotional decision is what you feel is right, but it might not be the morally right decision. The more you make emotional decisions the more caught up in your own world one becomes but as you make morally right decisions ones consciousness will lead you to continue to make morally right decisions and ones whole persona will change drastically. The morally right decisions will change ones character but the emotionally right decisions will lead to anxiety due to reflection on past behaviours.
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2019-11-28T08:19:03
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e2v47q
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Love is suffering
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The processing of suffering can lead to pride or compassion. The avoidance of love leads to pride which breeds anxiety, but the processing of suffering leads to compassion of those around you. If you constantly process the suffering others put on you, you can not do anything but love them, because everyone is constantly suffering and the suffering they put onto you leads to compassion.
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2019-11-27T08:22:03
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e2d29w
| 0
| 0
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Emotional_Regulation
|
Crying shows the opposite of weakness, it shows strength
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Crying allows sadness to be integrated into the consciousness. Without crying one risks the misintegration of the stimulation which breeds agitation then anger. Sadness occurs on a day to day basis but the more that one integrates his/her sadness the stronger both mentally and emotionally one becomes, ones sadness needs to be integrated otherwise they risk taking it out on others and this causes more agitation and more anger.
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2019-11-26T07:44:07
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e1uq27
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Pain is weakness leaving the body
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Pain is unprocessed stimulation, when you process this stimulation your body decides that the pain is no longer needed to be there and it can be moved to long term memory. If you do not process pain your body will keep bringing up the pain because it hasn't been moved to long term memory. Processing pain is extremely difficult because you have to look inwards to see where the source of the pain in your body is and it is difficult for most people because facing the trauma requires great strength and hope that the suffering will end.
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2019-11-24T23:24:52
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e16szr
| 0
| 0
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Emotional_Regulation
|
Fear of yourself leads to the love of others
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When you are afraid of what you are capable of doing you become hypersensitive to the reactions of those around you. It's extremely difficult to integrate the emotions you are feeling due to the suffering we experience every day but it ends up making you an extremely gentle person. The hypersensitivity is both a blessing and a curse because we dont want to harm others but we integrate the harm that occurs to us. Over time hypersensitivity reduces due to coping mechanisms that we create and eventually we become emotionally stable, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel but the suffering that occurs on the pathway to the light is truly difficult.
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2019-11-24T01:07:34
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e0rcri
| 0
| 0
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Emotional_Regulation
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Emotional exhaustion
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Every day we only have a limited amount of compassion we are able to provide to others, its difficult to remain compassionate throughout the whole day so doing it in short bursts helps to limit burn-out. Be gentle with yourself so that you dont end up being harmful to yourself trying to help others.
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2019-11-23T04:44:14
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e0d5tk
| 0
| 0
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Emotional_Regulation
|
Love triumphs through suffering
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We suffer so much each day but when we have the hope that tomorrow will be better it allows us to continue through the suffering without harming those around us. Believing that the suffering is for a reason allows you to separate yourself so that you can persevere through what you are going through without taking your suffering out on other people. By doing this you allow yourself to process the love of those around you and it makes the process of suffering much easier than doing it by yourself.
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2019-11-22T22:03:33
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e086f6
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Emotional history - the good, the bad, the ugly.
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First post, long post. Apologies in advance. *Trigger warning: molestation, suicide, drugs*
I was referred to this subreddit by zozzle, and I'm feeling particularly down tonight, so figured I'd perform my periodic public outpouring here among strangers. Start things on an honest and clear note, and go from there.
I've never been diagnosed with anything; psychiatrists, therapists...those have always been options outside of my reality, as a poverty-level American. Maybe I have PTSD, maybe just a persistent depression, I don't know. I can only guess. So, might as well tell the whole story as it plays in my head, in hopes that maybe someone can piece the puzzle together in a way that makes sense. God knows I've tried.
When I was 3, I moved to my parents' hometown. It was me, Mom and Dad, my older brother, and a younger brother who had just been born. We lived in the slums, but we would occasionally visit my aunt, my older cousin (by 3 years), and his stepdad. The adults would hang out in the living room and socialize, with my little brother in a stroller, and the kids would play in my cousin's room. Being the youngest, I didn't get to participate much in the way of whatever games the others were playing, so I was often left in the corner to play with toys, look at books, etc, by myself. It hurt my feelings, made me feel rejected, and sometimes I would cry. My cousin would offer to let me play with them, but only if I played a certain game with him. You can maybe guess where it's going.
I want to interject on myself and defend his actions, as crazy as that might sound. They were sexual in nature, but I was 3, he was 6, and neither of us knew what we know now about genitals, sex, and etc. I've never talked to him about it to this day, because I harbor a strong suspicion that the reason he did what he did was because it was done to him previously. I harbor no ill will towards him.
That being said, we didn't understand the actions, but I understood feeling humiliated, feeling used, feeling betrayed as my own brother watched without intervening, feeling worthless as I was pushed back into my corner after he had his fun, and feeling afraid when I was threatened to never tell anyone. It became a habitual thing over the course of the next few years, I went along with it out of fear and blind acceptance that this was just how the world works - I hadn't yet had the chance to learn otherwise. Thankfully, my little brother was never exposed to it. I tried to tell my mother about it once, but she asked my brother if it was true, he lied and said no, and that was that. My shot at freedom was dead on the spot. Luckily, when I was 8, my cousin moved out of state with my aunt and her husband, and that chapter ended for good.
I grew older, but I was quiet and reserved. Never felt normal. Spent a lot of time reading books and keeping to myself. I was picked on a lot for not being like the other feral, macho kids on the rough side of town. Bullied by my brother, picked on by his friends, never really good at making friends of my own. Most of my school years went by like this, up until high school. We started going to church, and after a while I started feeling accepted for the first time...sure, through the common thread of cult mentality, but it was something. I even had a "girlfriend" there, even though once her mom found out she specifically told me I was not good enough for her daughter and made us end it. I made friends there, and we became real close. Like brothers. In fact, it was me, my two biological brothers, and three adopted brothers. We did everything together, we were a gang. My older brother left for the military, and for the first time I felt acceptable by my own merit because the gang still wanted me around. A few years passed, another one of the guys joined the military, and the rest of us were still close as kin. We had all graduated high school except for my little brother, and we were all moving out of home, getting our own places, and learning how to be adults. My parents divorced after years of fighting, arguing, yelling and screaming, and I was honestly relieved by it. I met a girl from high school whom I had a crush on, and we started dating. My first actual girlfriend. She was my everything - I lost my virginity to her, we spent several nights a week with each other, we'd take trips, go to parties...I thought I had found my soulmate.
A few months into this relationship, our friend who had joined the military died in Iraq. Four months later, my grandfather, who was always great to me and my brothers, committed suicide with no explanation. My girlfriend helped me through the immense grief of that year, and as my world turned upside down, she kept me grounded. My little brother dealt with his grief by disappearing into the family of his girlfriend at the time, and the rest of us remained there for each other. Another year passed, and I was shopping for engagement rings. Things were on a downswing between the gf and I, and I knew part of it was because I hadn't asked her to take the next step yet. So, I resolved to fix it. Until, I found evidence on her computer that she had been cheating on me since the start of our relationship (I was doing computer maintenance for her, and she apparently wasn't too savvy at hiding incriminating photos and saved emails, all timestamped throughout the previous two years). It was an ugly breakup, and she immediately ran into the arms of whom I had considered to be one of my best friends (outside of "the guys").
What followed was 4 years of alcoholism, drugs, and darkness as the world crashed down steadily around me. I couldn't hold a decent job, I couldn't turn to anyone for help, and the people around me I thought I could trust, my roommates at the time, were just taking advantage of my struggle to keep my head above water, taking on massive debt from bills, my home falling to shambles and basically becoming a drug den while I was away working whatever sh*t job I could get. When I got home, I would get drunk, get high, say f*ck it and lock myself in my room while god knows what took place on the other side of the door.
I woke up one day, looked around me, and decided it was enough. Moved in with my dad, got sober, got a job doing physical labor to keep myself occupied, and eventually moved out of state with one of "the guys". We got as far from that town as possible, the opposite end of the country, and I got my life back on track. Got a good job, had something if a dating life, and when I lost that good job I used the opportunity to go back to school...got 2 degrees in a new career field after 6.5 years of grueling, demeaning effort. Through this time, I went on countless bad first dates, had a couple failed relationships, all tiny little reinforcements to the idea of not being "good enough". But I pushed through. Moved to another state with my estranged little brother earlier this year, who got married to a different girl, not the one he disappeared with, and had a son. I've had the opportunity to rebuild my relationship with him, become part of his family again, and focus on trying to get my career off the ground. This paragraph sums up the last 10 years.
It's rough here though. Opportunities are scarce in my career field in this area, and I'm not making enough money to pull my own weight. At 35 now, and being in my position, making new friends and having something of a normal dating life are just about impossible. I'm back to those ancient feelings of humiliation and worthlessness, as I'm reminded yet again that no matter what I do to try to live my life as best as I can, I will never be good enough. I feel like all my experiences growing up in my hometown have hardwired and reinforced me to feel this way, and I wish I knew how to rewire the circuit. But...I don't.
I want to be normal. I want to have friends, I want to find love, I want to have a family of my own and be a good husband and a great father. I want to be successful. All this to justify the pain and suffering of my past, to make it worthwhile. As it stands, I'm 35 years old, broke, alone, lonely, and living in my little brother's spare bedroom trying my hardest not to be a burden on his life. My nephew thinks I'm pretty great, but that'll only last so long unless something changes.
Trying so hard, just to end up here...has been the biggest disappointment so far, and I'm trying so hard not to let it finally defeat me.
If you took the time to read all this, thank you. I know it was a lot, but the devil is in the details...and the details are complex. If you have any possible insight, I'm open to receive.
|
2019-11-18T06:34:26
|
dxzh2k
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Driving test Anxiety, please help!.
|
I was told to post here, this is my problem \/
My driving test is in less than a week. I've failed once before and I've cancelled three times due to being physically sick from anxiety. I really need my licence as I live in the countryside and theres no public transport, so I'm stuck.
I have done 40 driving lessons (not an exaggeration) but I still feel completely out of control and panicked while doing a lesson, but while I'm not doing a lesson I'm fine. I seriously need help, if anyone can help I would be so grateful.
|
2019-11-18T11:23:03
|
dy1xu5
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
New to this subreddit and have some questions
|
I was pointed to this subreddit by a kind stranger who saw one of my posts about me throwing up due to anxiety and certain situations. And that person said it could be an affect of PTSD. I truly believe that I personally only have one real experience that can cause PTSD which was from a car accident I got into about a year ago. My questions are, could PTSD be taking form in vomiting when nervous about something that has nothing to do with driving? because when I drive now obviously I still have this slight worry, but it is nothing compared to what happens during these social situations. And if so what are some ways to kind of deal with this? Anything is appreciated thanks :).
|
2019-11-18T05:57:15
|
dxz4f2
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Compassion triumphs over fear
|
Compassion and fear are extremely closely linked, when you process pain it becomes compassion. When you avoid pain it turns into fear. Fortunately compassion has a hormonal link which means it is long lasting but fear is an instantly reactive response. Compassion can withstand tremendous amounts of pain which fear cannot therefore compassion is long lasting and will overcome all boundaries that is set upon it.
|
2019-11-17T05:50:31
|
dxiu3s
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Self love isn't the same as self care
|
Self love is fracturable it's the instanteous gratification you give yourself that isn't warranted by any provable evidence but self care is a long term hormonal change which will change your perspective on reality over a long period of time. Such as making your own bed so it looks nice is an example of self care, but an example of self love is when you give someone harmful advice but you love yourself because you think that the harmful advice would help them.
|
2019-11-17T03:21:27
|
dxhcye
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
How yo stay positive and fight negative thoughts
|
Hello wonderful Internet people,
I am reaching out in the hope you can help me get back on track in a positive vibe. Right now I am going through a stressful situation, and the only thing I see is the negative possible outcomes to it (but there can also be positive ones). However, I am stuck in a pessimistic rollercoaster and becoming paranoid that because I have negative thoughts, the negative outcome will. come true. I am also having issues with concentrating on my hobbies and instead, I stay on internet and Google information all the time and get even more worried.
I am going to keep the details of the situation to myself. One way or another it will have a resolution (and I hope it's a positive one!) However my anxiety until I get a reply is killing me and I don't have any coping mechanisms.
|
2019-11-16T22:07:29
|
dxdj8u
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Self Diagnosis is dangerous
|
When we try and diagnose ourselves with particular illnesses we have an inherent bias, for some people they want to believe that they have a diagnosis so they act in a particular way to portray this illness, doing this is extremely dangerous because it can formulate as a personality disorder.
|
2019-11-16T05:45:15
|
dx2xku
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Grace triumphs over pride
|
Grace is a term used in religion which refers to the act of kindness without needs or requirements of the person. Pride is when the person ignores all stimulatory queues and acts in a manner which damages others. Pride is very unstable and can be shattered in an instant while grace is unshatterable. To achieve grace it is a transformative experience and to act in a way which is morally correct rather than logically correct, it requires great faith to act in this manner. It's very difficult to attain grace without the belief of a higher power, but it is easily lost during day to day activities due to the harm of others. That is the struggle of those who are religious, to be kind to people who are unkind to you. But in the end grace always triumphs because grace doesn't damage the spirit, but pride corrupts.
|
2019-11-16T04:29:07
|
dx27hj
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Mood disorders
|
Mood disorders occur when traumatising stimulation isn't processed. This information gets stuck in the brain and continues to re-occur even though the event has already ended. There are many ways to get this information unstuck such as therapy or meditation, but the best way to alleviate this trauma is through talking through it with someone who you completely trust.
|
2019-11-16T01:35:51
|
dx0bjz
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Disregulation of emotions
|
When the body has negative feedback from both people and stimulation disregulation to emotions occur. To regulate the emotional being back to homeostatic equilibrium it requires the person to introspectively look at what has caused the disregulation to occur. To look back at what caused the disregulation is often painful/uncomfortable so many people try and avoid looking back at what has happened. As avoidance becomes a habit anxiety increases and then it is possible for a person to spiral into a circular pattern of anxiety. To avoid this complete disregulation its necessary to introspectively look at why the intrusive thoughts have come up and to process the suffering which has occurred so that the psyche can regulate itself once again.
|
2019-11-16T02:45:24
|
dx13l5
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Pain is love
|
Sometimes we go through tremendous amounts of pain for those that we love, but sometimes we need to let go of those people who are causing us this huge amount of pain. When the separation occurs we realise what we have done to one another and then healing can occur. If the parties continue to inflict pain on one another there can be no resolution to the suffering. It is truly one of the hardest things to do to let someone you love go, but sometimes it is necessary.
|
2019-11-15T23:09:59
|
dwyki2
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Processing of Pain
|
Pain manifests itself in extremely complicated ways. When you are traumatised the psyche doesn't integrate the pain as it occurs, it alters it so that the primary consciousness doesn't have to deal with it. For example if you have been abused it may manifest as you trying to prevent close relationships from existing so that you don't put your complete trust in someone else. This is the natural way that the body copes to alleviate the stress from your primary consciousness, but over time as you become comfortable in day to day activities the traumatic stimulation gets processed and eventually the trauma will be processed. It's not possible to rush this process, it takes time for yourself to completely understand that the pain has been completely finished and for you to move on.
|
2019-11-15T20:07:10
|
dww4m2
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Showing love has a ladder effect
|
When you are kind to one person it changes their perception of reality for a short period of time and in turn in that short tertiary period they are kind to others. This has an effect which is like a ladder it continues and continues to more and more people. The more kindness you show to people the more you will transform as a person and your perception of reality will slowly change to one where you perceive everyone as kind.
|
2019-11-15T23:17:55
|
dwyo2p
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Love can be a one way street
|
When someone is in love their perception of reality can be completely warped and that can cause great hormonal disregulation. For this disregulation to subside one must suffer so that reality can be put upon them. Love is almost like a drug it completely intoxicates the person involved but love is required to live a fulfilling life and to fear love is to fear life itself.
|
2019-11-16T00:48:54
|
dwzsc8
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
From suffering comes wisdom
|
You are provided wisdom when you process suffering and not avoid it. If you avoid suffering and block it out it causes adverse effects in yourself such as PTSD. Suffering is a natural part of being a human and everyone suffers at some point in their life. The wisdom that comes from the suffering may not be apparent immediately, but over time you will realise how resilient humans actually are to traumatising material. When you avoid suffering it turns you into a victim not a victor and this causes psychological damage to the person because the suffering that has been experienced will continue to come back in many stressful instances. It is the choice of the human if they want to process their suffering or allow that suffering to dictate their entire life, as suffering manifests in extremely complicated ways in the psyche.
|
2019-11-15T05:32:02
|
dwm7ql
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Love and confusion are very closely linked
|
When you love someone unconditionally you sometimes can't understand what they are thinking because you love them no matter what they do, this causes the body great confusion even though the mind is stable. To combat this there are help lines like 'Life Line 131 114' with people who have unconditional love for you. These helplines will regulate your body because information that you didn't even know were in you will come out and the people on these lines will help you process these suppressed thoughts.
|
2019-11-16T00:19:12
|
dwzfnu
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Compassion trumps fear
|
Compassion and fear are very closely related. When you love someone unconditionally you aren't afraid of the harm that they put onto you because you truly love them. Sometimes this unconditional love blinds you from the harm that the other party is putting onto you and this is a truly destructive situation. In these situations it's best to seperate for a short amount of time so that both parties are able to realise how much they love each other and then when they are re-united the destructive tendencies of both parties will dissipate because they realise how much they longed for each other.
|
2019-11-15T20:42:01
|
dwwlnw
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Thanks Zozzle
|
I just stumbled upon your subreddit because I have been having anxiety and am looking for info to help. I see you are posting and just wanted to thank you.
When I feel anxious I feel very uncomfortable in my own skin and it’s very hard to relax or let go. I am HYPER aware of my body and what it feels like and am always scanning for danger. I just want to let go and relax but I’m scared to let go. It should silly like if I let go I’ll die.
|
2019-11-15T12:49:15
|
dwqby4
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Small amounts of compassion can change peoples lives
|
When you seek out someone who is in distress and give them a listening ear, you have no idea how much help you are giving these people. Some of them haven't experienced love for years and you giving them a small amount of attention can completely boost their self esteem. These small actions will also develop you as a person to be kinder to others and in turn your life will turn into a life of compassion.
|
2019-11-14T23:15:19
|
dwhp0a
| 0
| 1
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
The strength of single parents.
|
I believe that when children are brought up by a single parent they become one of the most powerful people in society. When there is only one parent rearing a child the child realises how strong an individual can be. As they grow up they become self actualised because they have known their whole life that one person has the ability to completely raise a child.
|
2019-11-15T05:59:46
|
dwmhxe
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Emotional Disregulation
|
It seems like many people aren't able to bring their emotions down to a stable rate due to how busy their lives are. I was in this state as well where I was constantly urging to do another activity as soon as I finished one to try and seem productive. Over a long period of time I learnt that even if i'm not rushing to do things, the necessary things that were required of me slowly got done and I didn't feel like i was using so much nervous energy. Many people tell me that they are always busy but it seems like the more you feel like you are busy the more you avoid the needs of others, and slowly you lose your empathy of others because you are constantly in your own head worrying about what you have to do next. To combat this its good to do low stimulatory things like read books or go for slow walks but it's extremely alluring to do high stimulation activities such as scrolling through facebook or going to clubs for an excitement fix, but the less and less of these high stimulatory things, the more peaceful and serene I have become. I have achieved this serenity mainly through meditation.
|
2019-11-15T05:31:10
|
dwm7f0
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Self Care
|
Self care isn't just taking care of your appearance, it's about understanding how your own personal body reacts to different stimulation and training yourself so that you are more resilient to the stimulation. For example if you are afraid of social situations slowly introducing people into your life that you normally wouldn't would be a good way to build up your resilience so that you would be able to participate in daily activities without too much stress/anxiety.
|
2019-11-14T20:37:37
|
dwffz7
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Meditation
|
Meditation allows you to focus on yourself so intensely that you no longer have to attach yourself to the thoughts that are occurring in yourself. I believe that meditation has the ability to allow trauma to be processed if the person is capable of completely disconnecting themselves from reality so that the trauma can come up and move into long term memory. The processing of trauma requires the integration of the memory but in normal day to day life when the trauma comes up we attach ourselves to our thoughts and the traumatic stimulus isn't able to be processed.
|
2019-11-15T05:28:22
|
dwm6e8
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Compassion overcomes fear
|
Compassion and fear are very closely linked. When we are afraid of loving because we have been hurt we tend to be fearful of being in the presence of people who love us. It is human nature to want to be loved but as we become traumatised and go through life we begin to try protect ourselves from this love because being in love leaves us completely vulnerable to the other person.
|
2019-11-15T04:31:36
|
dwlkop
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Reaching Homeostatic Equilibrium
|
It's extremely difficult in this day and age to truly reach equilibrium where there are no thoughts going through your head and you are able to relax without worry of what to do next or worrying about, it takes great courage to truly face your fears head on and sometimes if possible to believe that something is looking after you can help you get through these difficult times. Alot of people are in the rush believing that they have to do so many things in the day but even if you forget a few things one day, the next day will be even better because you will accomplish more.
|
2019-11-15T08:50:16
|
dwo1wu
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Emotional regulation basics
|
In this society its becoming more and more difficult for people to regulate their emotions due to the high stimulatory environments which occur in day to day life. This subreddit is here to give tips to those who may be unable to bring their bodies back to homeostatic equilibrium. Technology is making this extremely difficult due to the addictive nature of their instant gratification mechanisms, but even with technology being so high in stimulation it is still possible to reach a state of serenity through meditation and coping mechanisms.
|
2019-11-15T05:32:42
|
dwm80o
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Overcoming suffering
|
Suffering occurs all day and never ends, its up to the individual how they want to cope with these every day traumas. You can block out what is required for you in the day and pile up large amounts of suffering or you can suffer in small amounts so that your pile of suffering doesn't reach tremendous levels to where you need help from others.
|
2019-11-15T06:04:43
|
dwmjnw
| 0
| 0
|
Emotional_Regulation
|
Healing
|
Throughout my whole life I've experienced tremendous amounts of suffering, from Crones Disease to panic disorder to borderline/multiple personality disorder. Through these experiences I have realised that there is truly something looking after all of us. We may not be able to see it or logically think about it but I refer to this being which is looking after me as god. I've never believed there was anything looking after me but going through all this pain has truly made me realise that something is taking care of every single one of us and it doesn't discriminate either by religion or race. I dont know if there truly is a god but it seems like it is possible that what all of these religions are describing actually exist, but we cant conceptualise it because its not possible to observe its behaviour, but im sure that almost everyone has had encounters where they thought they could no longer cope with what was going on but something has led them to reach a conclusion to solve their problems even in absolute hopelessness. I believe this being truly loves us all and it doesn't matter how many mistakes we make, because it will always look after us.
|
2019-11-15T05:30:00
|
dwm711
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
Announcements and message to newcomers of r/anhedonia
|
**To newcomers**
Read the rules. There are three of them; be a decent person. Be careful with medical advice. And Reasons for post removal. This is a support sub. Here people are sharing insights and information. However, regarding medical advice I recommend you research advice given to you. Because everyone has a different reaction to things it is up to you to decide which camp you most likely fall into.
In the side bar and wiki you will find terms/definitions to get you started. Theses are basic terms relevant to anhedonia. This may help you gain a foundation for understanding the condition and share your insights with others.
**Announcements**
A few things have been added to the sub.
* Wiki for Terms - If anyone feels there are inaccuracies or suggestions leave a comment below. (Wiki \*might\* be expanded on in the future.)
* Flair for 'Research and studies' - I ask that you use flairs in general but I strongly suggest you use this flair so that studies can be found easier in future searches.
* User/community flairs for the cause of of your anhedonia is now available. If your flair is not there please leave a post in the comments.
* A rule "Reasons for post removal" has been added to clear up any confusion.
I try to keep the rules as bare bones as possible as not to discourage discussion.
***July 4 2024***
Automod has been turned on due to the increase in proselytising. If your post is mistakenly remove please send a message through mod mail and it will be approved.
***August 18 2024***
New user flairs- The flairs are still generalized but more options have been added: Mental health condition induced, Chronic illnesses induced. Chronic stress induced.
***August 22 2024***
Satire flair has been added. I request that you use it to avoid confusion and users taking you post seriously. This could lead to a feeling of misinformation or someone trying something dangerous. Keep in mind some people have a harder time with English, have brain fog, and so on.
***October 4 2024***
Anhedonia and Depression Regimens Discord has been added to the sidebar as a resource. The discord is managed independently from this subreddit. Please be sure to read the discord rules as well as guidelines provided in the thread under them.
|
2024-03-22T10:53:44
|
1bkwfde
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
New Review of Effective Medications for Anhedonia Survey
|
The results for *Definitive review of effective medications for anhedonia Survey* created by ketaking1976 has become unaccessible. A new survey has been created. New results will be viewable by users without aid of a mod.
**Current Survey**
This survey will collect: What caused one's anhedonia (optional). What drugs helped. For how long did they help.
**Please take the current survey below**
[Review of Effective Medications for Anhedonia Survey](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeA2waJ-FJZDDKnt2UzmbTwp1JCXSw3627pcQHMBStEi_qAvA/viewform)
**Current Survey Results**
Naturally it will take some time for the results to build up. Results are shown here:
[Anhedonia Drug Survey Results](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeA2waJ-FJZDDKnt2UzmbTwp1JCXSw3627pcQHMBStEi_qAvA/viewanalytics)
​
(Please post feedback or concerns in the comments.)
Link below to previous post with survey and results [Previous survey and results.](https://www.reddit.com/r/anhedonia/comments/ozuw5n/results_definitive_review_of_effective/)
|
2024-04-22T16:40:20
|
1cafhsv
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
I am looking for a team of 7 people to tackle anhedonia and loss of libido
|
My goal is gather a team of 7 ultra devoted people, ready to commit their time to read and brainstorm psychiatry till we find a solution. This will not be a therapy group but a book reading club extracting valuable insights, building theories, brainstorming and looking into pubmed articles I till our eyes rotten.
I have started this quest, read already kaplan and sadock synopsis of psychiatry, Stahl Neuropharmacology, springer textbook on neurosteroids/neurohormones.
There are around 40 books and around 700 article I am looking forward to extract and find possible solutions for anhedonia / loss of libido.
I am looking for people READY TO BUILD FROM THR GROUND UP! This means reevaluation of all known in psychiatry (not blatently accepting monoamine theory for eg) but thinking critiqually and getting to the nits and bits.
If more people want to participate, thats ok, but I really want people that have great understanding, yet are willing to look beyond it.
|
2025-06-22T08:25:25
|
1lhizfp
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
Going on for 21 years and no hope
|
Started when I was 18 (unknown cause), now I′m 39. I've tried 21 medications, ketamine, TMS, iTBS, experimental drugs in clinical trials, CBT, DBT, ACT, you name it. Zero hope for any life at this point. I cant hold down a job anymore, and my anhedonia is as complete as can be. I get my calories from protein drinks and peanut butter because I don't like food either. Never been in a relationship or kissed anyone, don't like movies or music or sports or any activity. Socializing feels like a taunt seeing the emotions that everyone around me has access to. I also don't feel stress or anger, I′m just emotionally empty. All the doctors and therapists can do is tell me to keep waiting for new treatments. Would you tell someone with a broken leg to keep hobbling on it and withstand excruciating pain for the rest of their life? I′m in pain every waking moment and just wish I could sleep forever because I don't know how to pass the time otherwise.
|
2025-06-22T06:10:14
|
1lhgyod
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
I feel retarded
|
My biggest problem is that I hav it for all my live and it doesn't get any better fatigue Dpdr my life was fucked up when was born chronic pain, me cfs and also perception disorder. It often feels like I am stuck at 5 years old 25 btw unemployed :(. Anhedonia is also a big problem cptsd anxiety brain fog numbness it's almost impossible to find help BC the right words doesn't come out. 24/7 devastated and I recognise that this is an illness and not me but that's not very helpful. My development as a teen now man haha funny is being stunned by this. Can't help myself I just want to be understood just a little rant.
|
2025-06-22T12:04:10
|
1lhma2i
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
Blunting and anhedonia
|
I’ve had OCD/anxiety/ADHD since I was 15 (39 now).
Tried not being on medication for 9 months because all SSRI/SNRI give me horrible sleep bruxism (I clench my teeth severely in my sleep and it causes a LOT of problems). Tried a couple ADHD medications beginning of this year and it did not go well. Severe side effects and health problems that have been going on for 6 months because of it. That along with stress was causing me to have a bad OCD flair up (bad intrusive thoughts all day, severe anxiety), depersonalization and started feeling down and somewhat depressed, also had blunted emotions for the first time ever.
I couldn’t do tricyclic antidepressants for a specific reason (don’t want to go into it).
So my psychiatrist and I decided I should try luvox (even though it does cause the stupid bruxism).
Started at only 12.5mg, started feeling ok after 1.5 weeks. 2 weeks in started feeling depressed and blunted emotions again so dose increased to 25mg. I am extremely sensitive to medication so we’re taking it slow.
Now I definitely have blunted emotions and anhedonia. I can sometimes laugh, feel anxious, some anger, I can only cry if very upset, and I can hardly feel love at all. It’s horrible.
Psychiatrist thinks maybe it’s the Luvox causing all this. But I’m not sure, as I had emotional blunting and anhedonia before I started and then it kind of popped up and we raised the dose because I was feeling depressed.
How do I know if it’s the depression and I need a dose increase or to wait longer, or if it’s caused by the medication??? This is distressing and I can’t even cry about it. It’s only been 4 weeks but it feels like months. I can hardly even tell if I feel depressed because of the blunted emotions.
|
2025-06-22T01:30:37
|
1lhc6zz
| 0
| 1
|
Anhedonia
|
Antibiotics improved my condition...
|
Hello,
Has anyone ever experimented with antibiotics?
I was put on antibiotics (cefuroxime + azithromycin + minocycline + itraconazole) for about two weeks for Lyme disease, and it significantly improved my anhedonia, lack of libido, blank mind, and genital anesthesia. I wasn't completely cured of these symptoms, but it became manageable, overnight my brain seemed to reactivate, even the love I felt for my children came back.
However, I had to stop the antibiotic treatment because red, itchy patches appeared all over my body, and my doctor thinks it's fungal.
I lost all the improvements...
Anyone else had similar experiences?
|
2025-06-21T18:52:18
|
1lh3vbh
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
How do you guys cope with depression and deal with life when you have too much free time?
|
I'm a undergrad and summer break has been hard due to me having too much free time.
I actually just started volunteering this but I'm only able to it twice a week; four hour shifts.
I want to be more busy.
I'm in the process of trying to find a job but I fear it will take forever especially since I have no work experience.
I struggle with focusing which is why I don't enjoy TV let alone video games. The same goes for playing video games or watching let's plays or streamers. I miss being able to binge-watch and stuff. It was a good distraction for my depression.
I think my depression and anhedonia might be because of untreated ADHD. I plan to be retested soon. I go for an in-take appointment next week.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do in the meantime.
I feel unstable.
|
2025-06-21T20:03:15
|
1lh5gz0
| 0
| 1
|
Anhedonia
|
I've returned to the land of the living!!!
|
So it occurred to me I should share my story because I think most people start recovering and leave all this behind and we need more success stories to show us that we can get better. This is not a "do this and you'll get better post", I'm just telling you my story. We're all different and what worked for one person isn't necessarily going to work for the next.
My full story is in my post history but here are the key points. I've spent the last 2 and a half years in a perpetual state of "lights on nobody's home". It was caused by the antipsychotic Geodon. It took me a year to even realize something wasn't right, and another year to figure out what it was. It messed with my ability to produce dopamine so bad that no meds or drugs had any effect on me at all. And I started noticing what I now know were some slight improvements a few monthes ago but when I took action things started happening fast.
When I learned that what I was experiencing was anhedonia it coincided with being in a situation where I was weeks away from ending up living in my truck (which was probably a big factor to my ability to finally take action). After reading post after post here I decided my best chance was to take a "fake it til you make it" approach. So I did, I made myself move and I did things that I didn't want to and I battled the insane anxiety I had developed and literally within weeks I was well on my way to healing.
A couple weeks ago I took an adderall to see if it worked and it did! It was like it unlocked my brain and enabled me to complete a super involved job app that I just didnt have the brain power to do and I got the job! And I keep getting better and better everyday!
I do have days were I feel the flatness trying to creep back in but I just keep moving forward. But I'm being mindful of those days and not pushing myself so hard that I cause the system to collapse. I do think that the fact that I was already having slight improvements and was in a do or die situation contributed heavily to my ability to pull this off. But the point is you are not necessarily stuck this way forever. You can heal.
Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk 😁
|
2025-06-21T05:34:26
|
1lgp1u4
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
Baseline reset?
|
TL/DR:Got sick megadosed on vitamins and sleep and then felt "normal" again.
So I recently got sick with some crazy sinus infection(coughing up blood bad). I think it may have been a resurgence of something I had a few months back and because I was working some late nights it came back for a secound appearance.
This was going on for days I was taking NAC, C, D and it wasn't going away very fast so I ordered an immune support vitamin complex(elderberry,d,quercetin, zinc, c, and an herb blend) plus I got separate 50mg zinc, 1000C, 500 mg tyrosine and echinacea. I was taking these once or twice per day each and I started feeling alot better and felt like my base line salience and mindfulness were going up beyond my healthy levels. I've tried so much homeopathic stuff too bone broth, keifer, extra sleep, acv, lemon water, ginger tea, etc but I can't 100% trace what was the biggest factor was to helping me get better.
Oddly enough I'm now still sick but feeling much better than before. I actually went on a short run on my own which I would never normally have done before getting sick. It seemed to me because my baseline dopamine seems to be in a healthier place then before so now when I finished my run it felt like much less of a juxtaposition in the past I would have a high anytime a friend bamboozled me into running with them and the high would be so intense I would convince myself I'm gonna turn over a new leaf and exercise all the time lol this never happened. I also took a cold shower which normally makes me feel like I just won the lottery and the effect was pretty lackluster. The water didn't even seem that cold to me and the effect was more like I just found a dollar on the ground.
Has anyone else experienced something similar to this?
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2025-06-21T15:10:25
|
1lgys3l
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
Went To A Convention To Try Something Different, Still Not Feeling
|
I recently drove cross country, about 1600 miles over 4 days to go to an anime convention. Something I used to really enjoy and watched a lot of.
I thought getting out of my comfort zone and shut in habits might change something
I felt so alien and out of place. I had a hotel booked for the weekend and ended up leaving on Saturday morning. The con started on Friday.
I feel like I just fundamentally am always putting on an act around other people. Deep down I just feel so empty.
I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist in early July to hopefully try some meds like tricyclics and MAOIs or literally anything.
I cant go on living this hollow life.
|
2025-06-21T05:26:45
|
1lgoxes
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
People have been asking how I am doing.
|
Sorry for no response for so long as I am busy, but I am fine. Still have mental issues, but have been out of the worst of anhedonia for quite some time. Every day is a process. The effects of the shitty antipsychotics can eventually wear off, and then you just gotta get out of the slump it puts you in as best as you can.
|
2025-06-20T20:47:25
|
1lgemue
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
Anhedonia as a symptom of depersonalization which is a symptom of panic disorder
|
I used to wonder, why am I anhedonic? Am I really anhedonic, or is my body simply not allowing me to act based out of free will?
The latter is the case, called depersonalization, which, in my case, was the result of panic disorder. I rarely was in charge of my body and thoughts. Fear would short circuit into certain thoughts consequent actions, based on nothing but primitive stimulus response theory. Other people called my behavior robotic, because it was. A certain person could say something certain to me in a certain setting, and I would respond with almost similar words every single time. Because I wasn't consciously speaking. I was simply saying what the fear intended me to do through created thoughts which told me what leads to less fear. Absolute nonsensical behavior to other people who don't act out of fear all the time, but out of volition.
If you cannot control your own body out of volition because fear overrides even what you think, well obviously you suffer from anhedonia from the outside. Because you *cannot* do what you want. It's that simple. And once you treat the panic disorder, suddenly I can act and think out of own volition, not out of fear. And suddenly I am no longer anhedonic because I never was. My body never allowed me to act out of own volition unless severely distracted.
Very cool figuring that out at the age of 21, after 21 years of nonsensical behavior I used to think is "my" behavior. But no. I am not supposed to simply justify what my emotions decided was right. I am supposed to act out of own volition and *then*, but only then, justify that. Nothing more.
|
2025-06-20T13:49:16
|
1lg4gse
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
Is this Reversible?
|
I seemed to get anhedonia + a bunch of other strange symptoms after a night out drinking about a month ago. My symptoms seemed to be improving after a week or so but then I got tinnitus and have since been in a spiral. Is this reversible? It’s really starting to get to me.
|
2025-06-20T18:02:09
|
1lgaoak
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
How did you cure your anhedonia
|
Edit: I don’t want anyone to take all of these together it’s just a matter of trying which ONE that works for you. It’s a trial and error sort of thing
Bupropion (wellbrutrin) antidepressant medication increases dopamine in the brain
Ibogaine psychoactive drug improves anxiety and depression
Amitriptyline (elavil) a tricyclic antidepressant increases serotonin in the brain
Sertraline (Zoloft) antidepressant medication
Thiamine (thiamega) vitamin B1 supplement
Allithiamine (dr berg) Vitamin B1 supplement
Nicotine patch
buspirone (buspar) anti anxiety medication
Lorazepam (benzodiazepine medication) treats anxiety
Amantadine (Parkinson’s disease) potential antidepressants has dopaminergic action
Psilocybin (psychedelic)
Oral ketamine
Desvenlafaxine (pristiq) antidepressant increases serotonin in the brain
Monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAOI) antidepressant
Vilazodone (viibryd) antidepressant
Tramadol (opioid pain medication)
Tranyclypromine (parnate) antidepressant MAOI
L-Tyrosine (Supplements) dopamine precursor
|
2025-06-20T09:50:07
|
1lg0068
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
Former Senior Consultant at Booz Allen, Deloitte and Mantech
|
I used to be a Senior Consultant at Booz Allen, Deloitte and Mantech. I had my PMP, and a few other certs. And then one day it just all got shut off for me.
Like everyone just started treating me differently after a bad trip off adderall(was prescribed) with mushrooms and I got sent to a psych hospital.
I then lost my job and my home and my car and now live at my parents. And better yet…. to deal with all this, I went and smoked delta8 bs and went into psychosis and got arrested like 3 times.
Now I have 3 misdemeanors with no future and live with my parents and to make things better I have been denied disability benefits a year ago so I have had absolutely no income.
I have adhd, bipolar, and major depression..and no medication helps.. all the antipsychotic meds made me unable to move and have a lot of fear on top of the anhedonia/depression.
I hate going out and I hate talking to people, I literally have nothing to talk about. My brain feels empty all the time and I just wonder is there a fucking GOD?
I’m 30 years old and I am so pathetically confused on what to do I have no friends or any desire for friendships because I am so anhedonic. I don’t experience any highs or mania, I am currently taking Wellbutrin that’s about it. Just always alone and distant feeling low.
Like why do people end up in this hell? Like nobody deserves this. Am I right?
|
2025-06-20T06:56:24
|
1lfxexr
| 0
| 1
|
Anhedonia
|
Drug resistant anhedonia
|
Hello, I have had anhedonia for about a year and 6 months. I'm pretty sure it was caused by having covid 19. The day after I had it I could not feel any type of drug or alcohol. Every day is a little bit different, some days are better then others be but a day like today I have been pretty frustrated and angry at the whole situation. If anyone has any type of advice or have had anhedonia induced by a sickness or covid 19 please reach out to me. Thank you.
|
2025-06-20T01:03:40
|
1lfr82o
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
Tears without sadness
|
Sometimes when I watch sad things, I’ve noticed that tears come, but I don’t actually feel sadness.
Has anyone experienced something similar?
How does that happen? I’m having hard time comprehending this phenomenon.
|
2025-06-19T13:57:05
|
1lfbgpw
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
Is this a sign for me to microdose SSRI?
|
I reinstated 10mg of prozac this february because I didn't know better after being off it 5 months. I had an immediate adverse reaction insomnia and panic, anhedonia and at the time I didn't realize but pssd.
However immediately after my adverse reaction I begin to follow a cycle. 10 day window, 5 day wave. I was a bit suspicious at how methodical it was but I wasn't complaining.
But then at 2.5 months (around the time prozac is mostly eliminated- this is true) it all came crashing down. My symptoms worsened and I have not had a window since.
So clearly despite giving me pssd the tiny traces of prozac left in my blood were also helping me by giving me windows.
What should I do? That was a month ago? Do I reinstate?
I am struggling a lot, reinstating would also help me with my OCD which would be a lot. In those windows I was 80-90% myself again.
I was so happy during them, I didn't know it was all because of the drug :(
I do not see hopeful things about pssd or anhedonia lifting. I cannot suffer longer, should I reinstate at a much smaller dose?
|
2025-06-20T00:29:16
|
1lfqj4g
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
The Fear Within
|
Fear isn’t always loud. It doesn’t always arrive with trembling hands or racing hearts. Sometimes, it’s quiet—woven into daily life, showing up in habits, silences, and the weight we carry without realizing. I’ve come to know that I carry a lot of fears, though I can only name a few.
One of the strongest fears I wrestle with is the struggle to keep my feelings alive for someone. Strangely, forgetting seems easier than holding on. It’s as if my mind has trained itself to erase attachments the moment they become too heavy. The effort to sustain emotion often feels one-sided, and when it starts to feel taken for granted, I lose control. It's as though my internal system performs an automatic reboot, erasing all memory of what once was, just so I can start over—blank, numb, detached.
This is a fear I live with daily. Another is the fear of causing hurt—to others, through words or actions. That fear governs how I behave, how I speak, and often, how I stay. I end up holding on to people I’ve already outgrown or lost interest in, simply because I’m afraid my departure might wound them. It’s a quiet suffocation, hiding my indifference behind familiar conversations and polite laughter.
There are times I find myself talking to people I have no real interest in knowing. But I never say a word about it. I wear a mask so well that no one ever sees through me. And that’s where the real question lies: How long can I sustain this?
Sooner or later, I know I’ll hit my breaking point. And when that happens, what then?
I try to stay busy, constantly in motion, because I’m afraid of the silence. Silence demands that I confront my thoughts, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that. So, I flood my space with external noise—conversations, distractions, anything to avoid being alone with myself. The moment the noise stops, I start unraveling, sometimes even blabbering nonsense just to avoid the stillness.
I’ve become addicted to stimulation—visual, physical, emotional. I feed off the emotional baggage of others just to feel something real, to remind myself I’m still capable of emotion. It’s reached a point where my emotional thread is so thin, so worn out, that even a small snap can shatter the illusion I’ve built around me. And once it breaks, it takes weeks, sometimes months, to weave it back together—to rebuild the illusion strong enough for me to survive within it once again.
This isn’t a cry for help. It’s simply a reflection—a moment of truth written down before I forget it all again. Because that, too, is something I fear.
|
2025-06-19T19:58:20
|
1lfkffl
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
lowered my dose of pramipexole but now wondering if it was a mistake
|
I was taking .375mg for a month and side effects started to show up (weakness, fatigue, anxiety) so I thought that I should just go back to .25mg. But now about a week back on .25mg I am not feeling good and I’m freaked out that I shouldn’t have done this. I don’t want to go back & forth on the dose though, so I’m unsure if I should go back to .375mg again or if I’m pretty much just screwed and it will never work for me again. It wasn’t necessarily ‘working’ on .375mg but I don’t know if I’ve ruined any chance of it ever possibly working. I just wasn’t sure if the side effects I was feeling are ones that would ever go away. My psychiatrist doesn’t have a lot of experience with this med so he isn’t much help unfortunately.
|
2025-06-19T21:45:00
|
1lfmzbx
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
Age 55 female
|
Hi im 55 and female in the UK, im post menopause hysterectomy last September on hrt high dose. I can't take antidepressants. I just feel really anxious and low especially in the mornings. Through the day I just feel so low loss of happiness and I can't think of anything I want to do. I put of going out just watch the same things on tv. I don't like to talk alot. This has only been since I started the menopause and does ease up occasionally but then comes right back again I guess I get glimmers of happiness then its gone. I don't want medication advice
|
2025-06-19T06:32:06
|
1lf3u42
| 0
| 0
|
Anhedonia
|
There's so many things I want to do
|
I want to read books, to listen to music, to watch movies, to study seriously. I have motivation.
Yet I am unable to do these things because of my anhedonia. I would be such a fulfilled person if I were mentally healthy.
|
2025-06-18T20:18:37
|
1lerg31
| 0
| 0
|
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