hfht/SemEval-2021-Task-7-Jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

id int64 8k 9k	text stringlengths 8 286
8,801	I asked the lady from the collection agency out on a date. She turned me down, but keeps calling. I told her I'm too old for games.
8,802	The Magic on a 24-7 run and most of the damage is done with Giannis on the bench. Middleton has allegedly been on the court but u wouldnt know it. The Bucks offense w/o Giannis is stagnant. It shows that in this instance, they cant turn to Khris to be "the man" in crunch time.
8,803	Dear Mother In Law, Don't teach me how to bring up my children. I'm living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement. Regards, Doc.
8,804	What do you get when you have sex with an STD infested mentally challenged person? The slow clap
8,805	chocolate just tastes better when you pretend a fat German kid drowned in it
8,806	We have to keep reinventing ourselves almost every minute. Because the world can change in an instant, and there's no time for looking back.
8,807	"The past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it." - The Lion King
8,808	When you're a kid and you draw some legs you simply draw two sticks. It's not until you're older that you learn the importance of the butt.
8,809	Teacher: "Simon, can you say your name backwards?" Simon: "No Mis."
8,810	Dear mathematics: Stop asking to find your x. She has a new boyfriend.
8,811	What's the difference between my dick and my jokes? My girlfriend never laughs at my jokes
8,812	There will be several games during the playoffs where the Bucks will shoot themselves into losses. There is no "in between" on offense for this team. It's either a 3 or a transition bucket. If 3's aren't falling, the bucks can't win.
8,813	NYC's official First Day Of Spring is when outdoor seating becomes an option again.
8,814	Speak only when your words are more beautiful than silence
8,815	Weirdos I know it's made for me, it's amazing, I'm just asking if teens also like it
8,816	“They call the ordinances ‘one more tool in the toolbox’—well, no shit, a tool to repress people that don’t have the money and comfort you have,” he says. “It’s a weapon.”
8,817	2/ This blogger is never, according to this friend, political. The closest she's come is a single post in response to BLM about being actively anti-racist. But in a poll in her Stories, she asked her followers who they were voting for. At first, the tally was split.
8,818	Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair? Because she wanted to rock and roll.
8,819	Gonna hideout in this bathroom and wait for game 4 World Series LA Determined
8,820	Beautiful things are not necessarily good, but good things are always beautiful.
8,821	You have to make a big mistake to figure out how to make it right. Mistakes are painful, but it's the only way to find out who u really are.
8,822	What do you call a group of Japanese people running up a hill? Tsunami Warning
8,823	I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. A sign read: "Bread in captivity."
8,824	[first day as a priest] guy: father i must confess my sins me: what's the tea my child
8,825	In many parts of the world, carrot juice is considered 'the king of juices' because of its diverse medicinal and therapeutic properties
8,826	Railing at what's wrong with the opposite sex is like yelling at cancer. It may make you feel better, but it won't heal a thing.
8,827	Boy: Calls 911 Boy: calls 911 Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.
8,828	First rule of Bollywood Club is: Copy every plot from Hollywood Club. Second rule of the Bollywood Club is: Dance for no fucking reason.
8,829	Other twists perhaps not readily apparent: Morigeau is Salish and thus wins all the "I'm [BLANK] Generation Montanan" contests; he also has actual political experience
8,830	My sense of humor is so dark that my grandmother would have been very unhappy if my sister went on a date with it.
8,831	Bout to get real!
8,832	Do teens actually like PEN15 or is it too actually teen?
8,833	boss: our insurance doesn't cover "scared farting syndrome" me: i was afraid you'd say that boss: me: boss: oh jesus christ man
8,834	East Coast thanks for hanging out tonight! West Coast, your turn is coming up in less than one hour! American Idol
8,835	Falafel is a weird name cuz I actually falgreat every time I eat one
8,836	Someone said my clothes were gay. I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."
8,837	"Close your eyes and pretend it's all a bad dream. That's how I get by." - Jack Sparrow
8,838	today was a good reminder for me that when you're feeling anxious or listless about writing a piece, the best cure is always to just.....do some reporting
8,839	I can't eat anymore, I'm full Do you want a cookie? YESSSSSSSS!
8,840	I don't like Jewish jokes. Anne Frankly I won't stand them.
8,841	'Bananas contain tryptophan, an aminoacid that can be converted to serotonin, leading to improved mood'
8,842	Barbie have revealed their first hijab-wearing doll. It's so realistic that it even has a removable clitoris.
8,843	So you're telling me, I'm the only person at this party who thought the 'B' in 'BYOB' stands for 'Botulism?'
8,844	I had a final chance to tell him what I've said every time I've been in his presence: 'Thank you for your courage leading the fight for Freedom. My life as it is would not have been possible without you.'
8,845	I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.
8,846	"He wouldn't know a suburb unless he took a wrong turn" is admittedly a good line
8,847	I don't think that things are simply right or wrong, they're more complicated than that.
8,848	Why should transgender people get separate bathrooms? There's already handicapped stalls.
8,849	Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party? He was looking for a tight seal.
8,850	What Causes Anger Issues In Men? A lot of men go to to anger management because they get told to go by their partners. But what often gets overlooked, or rather ignored, is where a lot of anger issues in men come from. To read more check out this article.
8,851	Huge outbreaks in Billings and in the Flathead, but also Great Falls, Missoula, and surging again in Bozeman.....but also in Chinook, in Glasgow, in Dillon, and still just ravaging the Crow, Northern Cheyenne, Blackfeet, and Fort Peck reservations
8,852	The cure for dry skin may be as simple as eight glasses of water per day water dry
8,853	[first day as a baker] boss: open this door. you better not be making sculptures again me: ahh [frantically trying to hide bread pitt and angelina doughlie] just a second
8,854	Be around people who are excited to see you grow
8,855	The stark contrast in the Bucks defense from game 1 to game 3 is amazing.
8,856	Do you think the guy who invented French bread was overcompensating?
8,857	I dream of girl's changing rooms being full of naked, showering women. But whenever I've run in there, they're just full of screaming ones.
8,858	Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba-dum tish!
8,859	Aaron Rodgers using cadence to draw Minnesota offsides IN MINNESOTA is gonna be weird all game. No Fans Go Pack Go
8,860	Just got picked up in a self-driving Lyft. And the driver still talked my ear off.
8,861	Even though we're in the same time zone, my wife is always one hour ahead of me.
8,862	How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
8,863	Using Instagram as my only data set, I estimate my friend's food budget to be about $78,000 a year.
8,864	Non alcoholic beer is like eating out your sister... Tastes the same as others, but it just isn't right...
8,865	Sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it. Because if we actually felt how much we love them, it would kill us.
8,866	Powerful perspective shift: It's worse to be a narcissist than to have to deal with one. Narcissists are let down every day when people don't pay them enough attention. Sucks to be them.
8,867	Flowers are badasses. Flowers eat the sun and if you don't think that's badass I can't help you.
8,868	The thing about addiction is; it never ends well. Eventually whatever it is that was getting us high stops feeling good, and starts to hurt.
8,869	Game on!
8,870	How do you bury a Jew? Dig a really deep hole and throw a penny in it.
8,871	I know I know I've been a little quiet, but life has been busy! I'm about to tweet some quotes in half an hour so stay tuned, my loves!
8,872	People will hate you, rate you, shake you, and break you. But how strong you stand is what makes you.
8,873	There's a way to write about this race!!!! This isn't it!!!!
8,874	If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.
8,875	I wish I was kissing you instead of missing you.
8,876	It's not about what u look like or your job, or how successful you are. It's about having people in your life that you love andwho love you.'
8,877	[first day in heaven] me: i'm sorry the bible just doesn't mention jesus having a brother brett christ: are you fucking serious
8,878	boss: can i speak to you in my office me: anything you need to say to me, you can say in front of my crocodiles
8,879	If you want something bad enough, if you're determined enough, if you're patient enough, eventually it will happen and that gives me hope.'
8,880	Your cooking is pretty pathetic despite watching cooking shows on TV. Wife: You watch Porn but do I complain?
8,881	Ruth Bader Ginsburg was the kind of scholar and patriot you get excited about explaining to your kids. The kind of person who you say “who knows, one day you could be HER”. I hope you rest well, RBG, you must have been tired from changing the world.
8,882	"Doc, I ate one of those 'Do not Eat' silica packets. Am I going to die??" Doctor: Well, everyone is going to die eventually. Man: Everyone?? Holy shit, what have I done?
8,883	Has anyone figured out a hack to work collaboratively in Scrivener without endlessly sending renamed drafts back and forth?
8,884	We have to make our own mistakes and learn our own lessons. We have to sweep todays possibility under tomorrows rug until we cant anymore.
8,885	If there's an upside to free falling, it's the chance you give your friends to catch you.
8,886	"Calling someone fat doesn't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter." - Mean Girls
8,887	What type of bees produce milk? Boobees.
8,888	Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who's sick of her bullshit.
8,889	Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute? One goes "cockadoodle doo", the other goes, "Any cock 'ill do."
8,890	What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
8,891	If it is important, you will find a way. If it is not, you will find an excuse
8,892	What do you call it when you use your debit card to pay to have sex with an illegal immigrant? Paperless transaction
8,893	I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off. She said: 'How about walking through the room naked?'
8,894	How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
8,895	What are all the euphemisms for "vaccine skeptics" in the hippie / wellness space? I've seen "non-conformist" in a bunch of bios, what else?
8,896	"Son, I found a condom in your room." "Gee thanks, Grandpa!" "Why are you calling me Grandpa?" "Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
8,897	Exercise bikes get you nowhere.
8,898	Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed? He had low elf-esteem.
8,899	I built an electric fence around my property yesterday. My neighbour is dead against it.
8,900	Yesterday I gave up my seat on the bus for a blind man. Today I lost my job as a bus driver.

8,801

I asked the lady from the collection agency out on a date. She turned me down, but keeps calling. I told her I'm too old for games.

8,802

The Magic on a 24-7 run and most of the damage is done with Giannis on the bench. Middleton has allegedly been on the court but u wouldnt know it. The Bucks offense w/o Giannis is stagnant. It shows that in this instance, they cant turn to Khris to be "the man" in crunch time.

8,803

Dear Mother In Law, Don't teach me how to bring up my children. I'm living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement. Regards, Doc.

8,804

What do you get when you have sex with an STD infested mentally challenged person? The slow clap

8,805

chocolate just tastes better when you pretend a fat German kid drowned in it

8,806

We have to keep reinventing ourselves almost every minute. Because the world can change in an instant, and there's no time for looking back.

8,807

"The past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it." - The Lion King

8,808

When you're a kid and you draw some legs you simply draw two sticks. It's not until you're older that you learn the importance of the butt.

8,809

Teacher: "Simon, can you say your name backwards?" Simon: "No Mis."

8,810

Dear mathematics: Stop asking to find your x. She has a new boyfriend.

8,811

What's the difference between my dick and my jokes? My girlfriend never laughs at my jokes

8,812

There will be several games during the playoffs where the Bucks will shoot themselves into losses. There is no "in between" on offense for this team. It's either a 3 or a transition bucket. If 3's aren't falling, the bucks can't win.

8,813

NYC's official First Day Of Spring is when outdoor seating becomes an option again.

8,814

Speak only when your words are more beautiful than silence

8,815

Weirdos I know it's made for me, it's amazing, I'm just asking if teens also like it

8,816

“They call the ordinances ‘one more tool in the toolbox’—well, no shit, a tool to repress people that don’t have the money and comfort you have,” he says. “It’s a weapon.”

8,817

2/ This blogger is never, according to this friend, political. The closest she's come is a single post in response to BLM about being actively anti-racist. But in a poll in her Stories, she asked her followers who they were voting for. At first, the tally was split.

8,818

Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair? Because she wanted to rock and roll.

8,819

Gonna hideout in this bathroom and wait for game 4 World Series LA Determined

8,820

Beautiful things are not necessarily good, but good things are always beautiful.

8,821

You have to make a big mistake to figure out how to make it right. Mistakes are painful, but it's the only way to find out who u really are.

8,822

What do you call a group of Japanese people running up a hill? Tsunami Warning

8,823

I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. A sign read: "Bread in captivity."

8,824

[first day as a priest] guy: father i must confess my sins me: what's the tea my child

8,825

In many parts of the world, carrot juice is considered 'the king of juices' because of its diverse medicinal and therapeutic properties

8,826

Railing at what's wrong with the opposite sex is like yelling at cancer. It may make you feel better, but it won't heal a thing.

8,827

Boy: Calls 911 Boy: calls 911 Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.

8,828

First rule of Bollywood Club is: Copy every plot from Hollywood Club. Second rule of the Bollywood Club is: Dance for no fucking reason.

8,829

Other twists perhaps not readily apparent: Morigeau is Salish and thus wins all the "I'm [BLANK] Generation Montanan" contests; he also has actual political experience

8,830

My sense of humor is so dark that my grandmother would have been very unhappy if my sister went on a date with it.

8,831

Bout to get real!

8,832

Do teens actually like PEN15 or is it too *actually* teen?

8,833

boss: our insurance doesn't cover "scared farting syndrome" me: i was afraid you'd say that boss: me: boss: oh jesus christ man

8,834

East Coast thanks for hanging out tonight! West Coast, your turn is coming up in less than one hour! American Idol

8,835

Falafel is a weird name cuz I actually falgreat every time I eat one

8,836

Someone said my clothes were gay. I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

8,837

"Close your eyes and pretend it's all a bad dream. That's how I get by." - Jack Sparrow

8,838

today was a good reminder for me that when you're feeling anxious or listless about writing a piece, the best cure is always to just.....do some reporting

8,839

I can't eat anymore, I'm full Do you want a cookie? YESSSSSSSS!

8,840

I don't like Jewish jokes. Anne Frankly I won't stand them.

8,841

'Bananas contain tryptophan, an aminoacid that can be converted to serotonin, leading to improved mood'

8,842

Barbie have revealed their first hijab-wearing doll. It's so realistic that it even has a removable clitoris.

8,843

So you're telling me, I'm the *only* person at this party who thought the 'B' in 'BYOB' stands for 'Botulism?'

8,844

I had a final chance to tell him what I've said every time I've been in his presence: 'Thank you for your courage leading the fight for Freedom. My life as it is would not have been possible without you.'

8,845

I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.

8,846

"He wouldn't know a suburb unless he took a wrong turn" is admittedly a good line

8,847

I don't think that things are simply right or wrong, they're more complicated than that.

8,848

Why should transgender people get separate bathrooms? There's already handicapped stalls.

8,849

Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party? He was looking for a tight seal.

8,850

What Causes Anger Issues In Men? A lot of men go to to anger management because they get told to go by their partners. But what often gets overlooked, or rather ignored, is where a lot of anger issues in men come from. To read more check out this article.

8,851

Huge outbreaks in Billings and in the Flathead, but also Great Falls, Missoula, and surging again in Bozeman.....but also in Chinook, in Glasgow, in Dillon, and still just ravaging the Crow, Northern Cheyenne, Blackfeet, and Fort Peck reservations

8,852

The cure for dry skin may be as simple as eight glasses of water per day water dry

8,853

[first day as a baker] boss: open this door. you better not be making sculptures again me: ahh [frantically trying to hide bread pitt and angelina doughlie] just a second

8,854

Be around people who are excited to see you grow

8,855

The stark contrast in the Bucks defense from game 1 to game 3 is amazing.

8,856

Do you think the guy who invented French bread was overcompensating?

8,857

I dream of girl's changing rooms being full of naked, showering women. But whenever I've run in there, they're just full of screaming ones.

8,858

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba-dum tish!

8,859

Aaron Rodgers using cadence to draw Minnesota offsides IN MINNESOTA is gonna be weird all game. No Fans Go Pack Go

8,860

Just got picked up in a self-driving Lyft. And the driver still talked my ear off.

8,861

Even though we're in the same time zone, my wife is always one hour ahead of me.

8,862

How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

8,863

Using Instagram as my only data set, I estimate my friend's food budget to be about $78,000 a year.

8,864

Non alcoholic beer is like eating out your sister... Tastes the same as others, but it just isn't right...

8,865

Sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it. Because if we actually felt how much we love them, it would kill us.

8,866

Powerful perspective shift: It's worse to be a narcissist than to have to deal with one. Narcissists are let down every day when people don't pay them enough attention. Sucks to be them.

8,867

Flowers are badasses. Flowers eat the sun and if you don't think that's badass I can't help you.

8,868

The thing about addiction is; it never ends well. Eventually whatever it is that was getting us high stops feeling good, and starts to hurt.

8,869

Game on!

8,870

How do you bury a Jew? Dig a really deep hole and throw a penny in it.

8,871

I know I know I've been a little quiet, but life has been busy! I'm about to tweet some quotes in half an hour so stay tuned, my loves!

8,872

People will hate you, rate you, shake you, and break you. But how strong you stand is what makes you.

8,873

There's a way to write about this race!!!! This isn't it!!!!

8,874

If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

8,875

I wish I was kissing you instead of missing you.

8,876

It's not about what u look like or your job, or how successful you are. It's about having people in your life that you love andwho love you.'

8,877

[first day in heaven] me: i'm sorry the bible just doesn't mention jesus having a brother brett christ: are you fucking serious

8,878

boss: can i speak to you in my office me: anything you need to say to me, you can say in front of my crocodiles

8,879

If you want something bad enough, if you're determined enough, if you're patient enough, eventually it will happen and that gives me hope.'

8,880

Your cooking is pretty pathetic despite watching cooking shows on TV. Wife: You watch Porn but do I complain?

8,881

Ruth Bader Ginsburg was the kind of scholar and patriot you get excited about explaining to your kids. The kind of person who you say “who knows, one day you could be HER”. I hope you rest well, RBG, you must have been tired from changing the world.

8,882

"Doc, I ate one of those 'Do not Eat' silica packets. Am I going to die??" Doctor: Well, everyone is going to die eventually. Man: Everyone?? Holy shit, what have I done?

8,883

Has anyone figured out a hack to work collaboratively in Scrivener without endlessly sending renamed drafts back and forth?

8,884

We have to make our own mistakes and learn our own lessons. We have to sweep todays possibility under tomorrows rug until we cant anymore.

8,885

If there's an upside to free falling, it's the chance you give your friends to catch you.

8,886

"Calling someone fat doesn't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter." - Mean Girls

8,887

What type of bees produce milk? Boobees.

8,888

Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who's sick of her bullshit.

8,889

Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute? One goes "cockadoodle doo", the other goes, "Any cock 'ill do."

8,890

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

8,891

If it is important, you will find a way. If it is not, you will find an excuse

8,892

What do you call it when you use your debit card to pay to have sex with an illegal immigrant? Paperless transaction

8,893

I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off. She said: 'How about walking through the room naked?'

8,894

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.

8,895

What are all the euphemisms for "vaccine skeptics" in the hippie / wellness space? I've seen "non-conformist" in a bunch of bios, what else?

8,896

"Son, I found a condom in your room." "Gee thanks, Grandpa!" "Why are you calling me Grandpa?" "Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

8,897

Exercise bikes get you nowhere.

8,898

Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed? He had low elf-esteem.

8,899

I built an electric fence around my property yesterday. My neighbour is dead against it.

8,900

Yesterday I gave up my seat on the bus for a blind man. Today I lost my job as a bus driver.