hfht/SemEval-2021-Task-7-Jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

id int64 8k 9k	text stringlengths 8 286
8,901	I love you and you love me. So whatever happens I don't care.
8,902	"You look nice today" "Was I ugly yesterday?"
8,903	I know this is a familiar story but what a stomach punch: 2015: 1100 employees, paper sold to Gannett after a century of family ownership Within two years: 800 employees Today: Just over 100
8,904	i love that Romain has three friends and two of them are his fiance's bosses also has Davina sold a property
8,905	If you're in NYC, it's way too nice to stay inside!
8,906	Some people cry when slicing up onions. I try not to form an emotional bond.
8,907	[arriving in hell] me: i didn't know i'd have to wear what i died in forever satan: where did you even find denim underwear
8,908	Yo mama's so dumb, she bought tickets to see Xbox live.
8,909	Divorce is such a life altering decision, it should only be made in a non-emotional state and after much consideration of the consequences.
8,910	Sometimes you have to walk away from what you want in order to find what you really deserve.
8,911	We all go through life like bulls in a china shop: a chip here, a crack there, doing damage to ourselves... to other people.
8,912	Volkswagen How many Jews Can you fit in a Volkswagen? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 6 million in the ashtray
8,913	Wife: But the zoo told you never to come back Me: [loading hotdogs into shotgun] Those giraffes can't live on salad, Eleanor
8,914	Being a Dad to twins is WORK. But so rewarding
8,915	[first day working at subway] robber: gimme all your money me: would you like that toasted
8,916	I can not comprehend seeing professional athletes and sports leagues stand up for equality and justice...and then think, "Nope. That team and sport Ive enjoyed watching with my mom, dad and kids for decades? Im done with that". My newsfeed and TL are littered with these. Go Pack Go º ²
8,917	Did you study for the test? Nerd: All week long. Most of people: I read the chapter. Me: What test?!
8,918	"And we take, take, take it for granted that we'll be the same but we're making all the same mistakes."
8,919	one cup of strawberries contains 21% of manganese, an essential nutrient that acts as a powerful antioxidant & antiinflammatory agent health
8,920	1 week before Grandad died we bought him a snowboard... He went downhill very quickly after that.
8,921	American Detective: I solved the case by breaking all the rules British Detective: I solved the case by noticing a specific umbrella
8,922	I called the Child Abuse Hotline. A kid answered, called me a fat cunt, and told me to fuck off.
8,923	Friends: "what a perfect morning for a run" Me: "What a perfect morning for sleeping more"
8,924	A true friend will never get tired of listening to your problems over and over again.
8,925	"I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me." - Harry Potter
8,926	When you mind your own business, you eliminate half the bs in your life
8,927	I was there filming this and I'm having anxiety watching this. Supernatura I Hipster Werewolf
8,928	Italian restaurant. I went to my local Italian restaurant last night, but there was a large fat woman standing at the entrance. I couldn't get pasta.
8,929	Happy Thanksgiving! Grateful for fam, friends, hibiscus tea, and stretchy pants that I'll need tomorrow. What're you thankful for?
8,930	Let the games begin. Cat And Mouse Sam And Dean Hammer Time
8,931	How does the Easter bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise.
8,932	Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay they'd be bagels.
8,933	They say don’t sweat the small shit but I feel like I wouldn’t be successful if i didn’t
8,934	[teacher] Why are you late? [student] Why does it matter? You still get paid, right?
8,935	Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
8,936	Miss Universe pageant will be awesome when the sluts from other planets finally decide to show up.
8,937	What did the vampire say to the teacher? See you next period.
8,938	Whats the useless skin around the vagina called? A woman
8,939	Well shot flashback fight scene. Thank you forever Mr. Tom Wright! SPN Fami Iy
8,940	I bought my wife a Pug as a present. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.
8,941	What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
8,942	Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they
8,943	We're Live on Facebook! Join us now.
8,944	It's sweet to see how everybody links their person in that last tweet! Exactly the reason why I tweeted it. Some love is always appreciated!
8,945	I don’t mean this snarkily; it’s just a massive conversation amongst women generally right now
8,946	I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
8,947	"A thousand families are grieving tonight. A thousand more join them every day. The pain doesn’t go away, it just becomes a furniture of bones, in a thousand thousand homes."
8,948	"The only thing standing in your way is yourself." - Black Swan
8,949	Kids today learn about sex and Alexander Hamilton much sooner than I did.
8,950	Somehow PEN15 has managed to get sweeter AND weirder AND better in S02; a feat, really
8,951	Chinese takeout $30.00. Gas to pick it up $20.00. Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers - Riceless
8,952	PROUD BOYS, STAND BY!
8,953	this Des Moines Register moderator is objectively bad at this. That doesn't mean she is not good at her job. It means she's a bad moderator. And this is why these debates are terrible.
8,954	This is a similar argument to what I've seen re: student loan forgiveness: I had to pay it, so you should too But I am so excited for anyone and everyone not to have to go through what I've gone through with student debt! What a gift!
8,955	A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey". The horse replies, "Sure".
8,956	A real man should know how to order whiskey: on the rocks, in a stemmed glass, and replaced with white wine.
8,957	I'm half-French and half-American, but I know my heart is American, do you know why? Because if it were French it would stop working!
8,958	If your girl gets her eyebrows done today be sure to let her know her brows look sexy af
8,959	[late 2000's medical drama] doctor: [walks in from operating room] woman: how is he [the doctor gives a pained frown as how to save a life by the fray starts playing] doctor: oh that's my ringtone [answers phone] what's that oh her husband died damn ok
8,960	A: Q5. I didn't assume my wife's debt. But I pretty much paid for everything for the three years she was climbing out of it. Love And Money
8,961	'Coffee is diuretic. It flushes out the fluids off your body. Hence, drink more water to replenish lost fluids' coffee
8,962	The body is 70% water.. So cool, I'm not fat, I'm just flooded..
8,963	People will judge you by what they see, and although it's not fair, don't give them a reason to find fault
8,964	How do you stop a woman giving you a blow job? Marry her.
8,965	Happy New Year to my friends on the West Coast! Welcome to 2020! Rockin Eve
8,966	I am stunned by all the amazing acting from the episode. I could feel everyone's pain and fear and I'm such an emotional mess right now!
8,967	"I want my best friend back, because I'm in love with her." - Friends With Benefits
8,968	I asked one of my sumo-wrestling friends whether he wanted some sushi for dinner He just replied "No thanks, I'm not a big Japanese guy"
8,969	I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today. Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent
8,970	Coca-Cola can be pretty insensitive. I mean how are black kids going to feel when they pick up a bottle with "Share a Coke with Dad" on it?
8,971	When you were younger did you have a "type"? Did it change over time? Is your wife "your type" Auntie Red Tweet Tea
8,972	People, despite our best intentions, are not always what they seem
8,973	If you can't say it to their face, then don't say it behind their backs either
8,974	Jokes about German sausages are the Wurst.
8,975	What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? SINGLE
8,976	I'm gonna have to say that directing is stellar. I'm digging this episode! Hope u are too
8,977	Every time I ask someone what the acronym LGBTQ stands for I can never get a straight answer.
8,978	Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
8,979	How do they practice safe sex in Scotland? They brand the sheep that kick.
8,980	Happy St Patricks Day! Always excited for this day ever since I found out I had some Irish in me.
8,981	Little timmy has no hands. What did he get for Christmas? Gloves. Just kidding. He still cant open his present. christmas jokes
8,982	A short poem for y'all... "Roses are black Violets are black Everything's black Even I am black" - Stevie Wonder
8,983	The Taliban's new leader is said to be 'low-key.' Which explains the Taliban's new video, 'Death to Whatevs!'
8,984	Anyway if you have additional theories I'm really fascinated by Substack readership in general, theorize away
8,985	When you were on the front line during the Rodney King protest, how did you keep your mental health going?Auntie Red Tweet Tea
8,986	Breaking News. Apple is to buy Ireland to solve the debt problem. It will be rebranded iLand
8,987	Now entering the final round... Who's your favorite so far? American Idol
8,988	Time flies when you're throwing watches.
8,989	White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do. We do it in schools, because we have class.
8,990	Women are so confusing, one day they say they love hummus and then the next day they say it's a bad birthday present.
8,991	I know for sure he heard me. I felt good about that. He understood and was so gracious.
8,992	Did you know that you should brush your teeth for 2 minutes in order to get rid of all the bacteria? most people don't reach a minute!!
8,993	What if the man in Edvard Munch's 'The Scream' is actually just singing 'Day-O' from 'The Banana Boat Song?'
8,994	Last 5 bucks possessions: Lopez miss 3. No rebound Hill miss 3. No rebound. Bledsoe 1 ft Lopez miss 3 no rebound. Middleton miss 3. No rebound.
8,995	I visited Amsterdam this summer, and decided to have sex with a prostitute. It was an overall positive experience. Sadly, it was an HIV positive experience.
8,996	boss: what are you doing inventor of the bagpipes: i have no fucking idea
8,997	I told him his views were pretty extreme and it would be more beneficial for him to consult with real scholars before coming to such conclusions. 4/7
8,998	"Mum, all the black kids call each other Nigga, but when I call them it I get in trouble." "That's because you're a police officer."
8,999	In honor of Fathers Day, I'm gonna bring you "24 Dads in 24 Hours": I'm gonna re-release all 24 "Check Out My Dad Pod" podcast episodes every hour starting at midnight! If you've missed them, you'll really enjoy hearing from WONDERFUL dads!
9,000	I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.

8,901

I love you and you love me. So whatever happens I don't care.

8,902

"You look nice today" "Was I ugly yesterday?"

8,903

I know this is a familiar story but what a stomach punch: 2015: 1100 employees, paper sold to Gannett after a century of family ownership Within two years: 800 employees Today: Just over 100

8,904

i love that Romain has three friends and two of them are his fiance's bosses also has Davina sold a property

8,905

If you're in NYC, it's way too nice to stay inside!

8,906

Some people cry when slicing up onions. I try not to form an emotional bond.

8,907

[arriving in hell] me: i didn't know i'd have to wear what i died in forever satan: where did you even find denim underwear

8,908

Yo mama's so dumb, she bought tickets to see Xbox live.

8,909

Divorce is such a life altering decision, it should only be made in a non-emotional state and after much consideration of the consequences.

8,910

Sometimes you have to walk away from what you want in order to find what you really deserve.

8,911

We all go through life like bulls in a china shop: a chip here, a crack there, doing damage to ourselves... to other people.

8,912

Volkswagen How many Jews Can you fit in a Volkswagen? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 6 million in the ashtray

8,913

Wife: But the zoo told you never to come back Me: [loading hotdogs into shotgun] Those giraffes can't live on salad, Eleanor

8,914

Being a Dad to twins is WORK. But so rewarding

8,915

[first day working at subway] robber: gimme all your money me: would you like that toasted

8,916

I can not comprehend seeing professional athletes and sports leagues stand up for equality and justice...and then think, "Nope. That team and sport Ive enjoyed watching with my mom, dad and kids for decades? Im done with that". My newsfeed and TL are littered with these. Go Pack Go º ²

8,917

Did you study for the test? Nerd: All week long. Most of people: I read the chapter. Me: What test?!

8,918

"And we take, take, take it for granted that we'll be the same but we're making all the same mistakes."

8,919

one cup of strawberries contains 21% of manganese, an essential nutrient that acts as a powerful antioxidant & antiinflammatory agent health

8,920

1 week before Grandad died we bought him a snowboard... He went downhill very quickly after that.

8,921

American Detective: I solved the case by breaking all the rules British Detective: I solved the case by noticing a specific umbrella

8,922

I called the Child Abuse Hotline. A kid answered, called me a fat cunt, and told me to fuck off.

8,923

Friends: "what a perfect morning for a run" Me: "What a perfect morning for sleeping more"

8,924

A true friend will never get tired of listening to your problems over and over again.

8,925

"I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me." - Harry Potter

8,926

When you mind your own business, you eliminate half the bs in your life

8,927

I was there filming this and I'm having anxiety watching this. Supernatura I Hipster Werewolf

8,928

Italian restaurant. I went to my local Italian restaurant last night, but there was a large fat woman standing at the entrance. I couldn't get pasta.

8,929

Happy Thanksgiving! Grateful for fam, friends, hibiscus tea, and stretchy pants that I'll need tomorrow. What're you thankful for?

8,930

Let the games begin. Cat And Mouse Sam And Dean Hammer Time

8,931

How does the Easter bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise.

8,932

Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay they'd be bagels.

8,933

They say don’t sweat the small shit but I feel like I wouldn’t be successful if i didn’t

8,934

[teacher] Why are you late? [student] Why does it matter? You still get paid, right?

8,935

Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

8,936

Miss Universe pageant will be awesome when the sluts from other planets finally decide to show up.

8,937

What did the vampire say to the teacher? See you next period.

8,938

Whats the useless skin around the vagina called? A woman

8,939

Well shot flashback fight scene. Thank you forever Mr. Tom Wright! SPN Fami Iy

8,940

I bought my wife a Pug as a present. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.

8,941

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

8,942

Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they

8,943

We're Live on Facebook! Join us now.

8,944

It's sweet to see how everybody links their person in that last tweet! Exactly the reason why I tweeted it. Some love is always appreciated!

8,945

I don’t mean this snarkily; it’s just a massive conversation amongst women generally right now

8,946

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

8,947

"A thousand families are grieving tonight. A thousand more join them every day. The pain doesn’t go away, it just becomes a furniture of bones, in a thousand thousand homes."

8,948

"The only thing standing in your way is yourself." - Black Swan

8,949

Kids today learn about sex and Alexander Hamilton much sooner than I did.

8,950

Somehow PEN15 has managed to get sweeter AND weirder AND better in S02; a feat, really

8,951

Chinese takeout $30.00. Gas to pick it up $20.00. Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers - Riceless

8,952

PROUD BOYS, STAND BY!

8,953

this Des Moines Register moderator is objectively bad at this. That doesn't mean she is not good at her job. It means she's a bad moderator. And this is why these debates are terrible.

8,954

This is a similar argument to what I've seen re: student loan forgiveness: I had to pay it, so you should too But I am so excited for anyone and everyone not to have to go through what I've gone through with student debt! What a gift!

8,955

A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey". The horse replies, "Sure".

8,956

A real man should know how to order whiskey: on the rocks, in a stemmed glass, and replaced with white wine.

8,957

I'm half-French and half-American, but I know my heart is American, do you know why? Because if it were French it would stop working!

8,958

If your girl gets her eyebrows done today be sure to let her know her brows look sexy af

8,959

[late 2000's medical drama] doctor: [walks in from operating room] woman: how is he [the doctor gives a pained frown as how to save a life by the fray starts playing] doctor: oh that's my ringtone [answers phone] what's that oh her husband died damn ok

8,960

A: Q5. I didn't assume my wife's debt. But I pretty much paid for everything for the three years she was climbing out of it. Love And Money

8,961

'Coffee is diuretic. It flushes out the fluids off your body. Hence, drink more water to replenish lost fluids' coffee

8,962

The body is 70% water.. So cool, I'm not fat, I'm just flooded..

8,963

People will judge you by what they see, and although it's not fair, don't give them a reason to find fault

8,964

How do you stop a woman giving you a blow job? Marry her.

8,965

Happy New Year to my friends on the West Coast! Welcome to 2020! Rockin Eve

8,966

I am stunned by all the amazing acting from the episode. I could feel everyone's pain and fear and I'm such an emotional mess right now!

8,967

"I want my best friend back, because I'm in love with her." - Friends With Benefits

8,968

I asked one of my sumo-wrestling friends whether he wanted some sushi for dinner He just replied "No thanks, I'm not a big Japanese guy"

8,969

I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today. Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent

8,970

Coca-Cola can be pretty insensitive. I mean how are black kids going to feel when they pick up a bottle with "Share a Coke with Dad" on it?

8,971

When you were younger did you have a "type"? Did it change over time? Is your wife "your type" Auntie Red Tweet Tea

8,972

People, despite our best intentions, are not always what they seem

8,973

If you can't say it to their face, then don't say it behind their backs either

8,974

Jokes about German sausages are the Wurst.

8,975

What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? SINGLE

8,976

I'm gonna have to say that directing is stellar. I'm digging this episode! Hope u are too

8,977

Every time I ask someone what the acronym LGBTQ stands for I can never get a straight answer.

8,978

Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

8,979

How do they practice safe sex in Scotland? They brand the sheep that kick.

8,980

Happy St Patricks Day! Always excited for this day ever since I found out I had some Irish in me.

8,981

Little timmy has no hands. What did he get for Christmas? Gloves. Just kidding. He still cant open his present. christmas jokes

8,982

A short poem for y'all... "*Roses are black* *Violets are black* *Everything's black* *Even I am black*" - Stevie Wonder

8,983

The Taliban's new leader is said to be 'low-key.' Which explains the Taliban's new video, 'Death to Whatevs!'

8,984

Anyway if you have additional theories I'm really fascinated by Substack readership in general, theorize away

8,985

When you were on the front line during the Rodney King protest, how did you keep your mental health going?Auntie Red Tweet Tea

8,986

Breaking News. Apple is to buy Ireland to solve the debt problem. It will be rebranded iLand

8,987

Now entering the final round... Who's your favorite so far? American Idol

8,988

Time flies when you're throwing watches.

8,989

White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do. We do it in schools, because we have class.

8,990

Women are so confusing, one day they say they love hummus and then the next day they say it's a bad birthday present.

8,991

I know for sure he heard me. I felt good about that. He understood and was so gracious.

8,992

Did you know that you should brush your teeth for 2 minutes in order to get rid of all the bacteria? most people don't reach a minute!!

8,993

What if the man in Edvard Munch's 'The Scream' is actually just singing 'Day-O' from 'The Banana Boat Song?'

8,994

Last 5 bucks possessions: Lopez miss 3. No rebound Hill miss 3. No rebound. Bledsoe 1 ft Lopez miss 3 no rebound. Middleton miss 3. No rebound.

8,995

I visited Amsterdam this summer, and decided to have sex with a prostitute. It was an overall positive experience. Sadly, it was an HIV positive experience.

8,996

boss: what are you doing inventor of the bagpipes: i have no fucking idea

8,997

I told him his views were pretty extreme and it would be more beneficial for him to consult with real scholars before coming to such conclusions. 4/7

8,998

"Mum, all the black kids call each other Nigga, but when I call them it I get in trouble." "That's because you're a police officer."

8,999

In honor of Fathers Day, I'm gonna bring you "24 Dads in 24 Hours": I'm gonna re-release all 24 "Check Out My Dad Pod" podcast episodes every hour starting at midnight! If you've missed them, you'll really enjoy hearing from WONDERFUL dads!

9,000

I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.